I rolled down my window to let the fresh, rainy air permeate the interior of my car. The air was clarifying, but I still thought of her. I couldn’t resist. A floodgate of images sprang forth, bombarding my senses with all things Bella. Her face, her eyes, her skin, her laugh, her scent, her bravery. Specific memories crowded the images as if a floodgate had been opened. I saw it all again, Bella gliding on my back through the forest, her eyes as I held her cheek in my hand and kissed her warm lips for the first time, the image of her body pressed against mine as she slept.

The strength of the images was startling. I reeled again as another strong memory rushed back to me:

Bella and I on her bed. Me, pleading with her, explaining my abandonment, begging for forgiveness. She was beautiful, capable, understanding.

“Is it because I am too late? Because I’ve hurt you too much? Because you have moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be quite…fair. I won’t contest your decision. So, don’t try to spare my feelings, please – just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I’ve done to you. Can you?”

“The way I feel about you can never change, Edward. Of course I love you – and there’s nothing you can do about it!”

“There is nothing you can do about it.”…

I exhaled and opened my eyes, training my eyes back to the mossy green rock, my new, temporary life support. I felt forced to consider the images, which showed me the instances in which she’d conveyed to me the depths of her affection, her love, and her dedication. As they whirred into my mind, I noticed a string of similarities. Bella, in her own way, had frequently sensed my conflict. She’d tried to reassure me in every way she knew how that her feelings for me were absolute, unyielding, and eternal. She wanted to sell her soul for me.

I sucked in a long breath, forced my eyes shut, leaned over my steering wheel, and tried to clear my thoughts. I must be stronger. My ability to think through this and not overreact was essential. Control your emotions and your mind.