So I padded back into the bedroom, careful not to wake him up, gathered my clothes and silently left without looking back.

~

            Lucy had been right.  No good did come of that night.  I did do something that I regret to this day.  She had been comforting the next morning, but I knew she was disappointed in me.  It was at that moment that I knew I would not be able to face Ashley again.  I felt ashamed and I could not stand to have her feel that way about me.  So I cut all ties that day.  I avoided Lucy until she finally gave up on trying to contact me.  The only people I associated with were the people I worked with, but still I never got that close to anyone.  I couldn’t. I didn’t want them to know about me and the terrible person I was.

For the past three and a half years I have lived in my self inflicted prison of asocial misery.  But it has been okay, because I have had my job.  I have had my eighteen-hour days and all-nighters to repress any memory of the happiness I once had.  It had worked well too, until two days ago.  I had not allowed myself to feel anything but common sense tells you that when you keep something in for too long, it comes back at you ten fold. 

            “What do I do?”  I look at the stars and ask no one in particular.

            “Follow your heart.”  I am startled to get an answer.  I had not noticed the old woman sitting on the bench a short distance from me. 

            “What?”  I had heard her, but somehow I needed clarification.

            “Follow your heart.  Don’t do what your head tells you to do, because it won’t make you happy.”  I don’t respond.  I just smile warmly at her and begin to walk home.

I have listened to her CD six times tonight.  I guess it would be conceited of me to believe that the songs were written for or about me, but it would be naïve of me not to believe it.  Listening to her voice is so soothing and therapeutic.  If I close my eyes I can picture her sitting in my living room with her guitar, serenading me.  The sounds are no longer coming from the stereo, but from her and she sings only for me.  I want it to be true, but I know it can’t be.  Or can it?  Can I have that life again or am I too late?