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    Monumental Disbelief

    End of Last Chapter

    … Ashley straddles Spencer. They start making out passionately Ashley runs her fingers through Spencer’s hair. As things begin to get really heated, Ashley takes one hand away and forces the door shut.

     

    ______________________________________________________________________

    Later

    Spencer and Ashley are both dressed again, Spencer has transferred from Ashley’s bed back into her wheelchair, and now, Ashley is knelt down in front of her putting her braces and shoes back on for her since she can’t do it herself. Once finished. She looks up at her happily, expecting to see a smile or some other expression of joy as a result of the monumental step they had just taken in their relationship. Instead the look on her girlfriend’s face was one of sadness.

    Ashley’s mood turns into worried in that instant as she asks “Did I do something wrong? … I mean, was it good for you?” She finishes, dreading Spencer’s answer.
    Spencer responds quickly, not wanting to make Ashley get the wrong idea. “No, it was great! You’re great! That’s the problem.”

    Ashley stands up, turns around, and sits on her bed facing Spencer. Confusion has set in. “We love each other, how is that a problem?”

    With a shaky voice, Spencer tries to explain as she fights through the nervousness. “You know my history with girls, whenever something is going really well, I somehow manage to let my depression take over. I get all Bi Polary, I start saying and doing shit that I normally wouldn’t. to fuck it up. It’s like that part thinks I don’t deserve anything or anyone special. This feels pretty damn special to me! So, I can’t help, but wonder how or when I’ll fuck us up.”

    Ashley looks into Spencer’s watery eyes. Spencer looks like she’s about to cry. “That’s not going to happen with me for a few reasons… You’re in a much better place mentally than you were back then, I’m not those other girls, you either didn’t or couldn’t tell them about your depression from the beginning. I do know about it, and if you have a couple of bad days, I’ll recognize it; I’ll know not to focus on the bad things you might do or say. I’ll try to help you through it by reminding you that I love you and I’ll always be here for you. In case you don’t get it Carlin, I’m not going anywhere!”

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