The car is silent on the dark lit highway. Ashden hasn’t said anything to Spencer since their shower. They had an awkward lunch and dinner. She doesn’t know what to say to him. She wants to say something that will make him feel better. He looks pale and lost. How can she comfort him? He’s staring out the window, breathing unevenly. A few times she thought she heard him whisper her name. But she can’t be sure since he’s taken to not looking at her as well.

“I’m sorry.” His whisper is hoarse. “Me too. I didn’t mean to push you.” She glances at him. “I know how much you wanted to. I just couldn’t though.” He sighs. “I’m trying to understand.” Spencer switches lanes. “I know I’m not making it easy.” He rests his head on the window. “Why do you hide from me?” She asks this hoping he’ll answer. He doesn’t. She doesn’t want him to push her away.

She’s worried about him. He spent three hours in the bathroom. She heard him crying and throwing up. It hurt her. She felt so bad about making him upset. When he finally came out, fully dressed, he avoided her. Her heart is still aching. “I want to help you with this. But I don’t know what to do. I mean, you have a great body either way. You shouldn’t hide it.” She hopes that helps. He doesn’t respond. “What was it that made you decide to transition?” She throws this out not expecting an answer. He sniffles.
Spencer sighs. Then she looks up into the cloudy night sky. “Is there like a book or something I could read to help me get in your head?” Out of the corner of her eye she catches his shrug.

Ashden looks out the window. He wishes he was out there instead. It’s getting tense and intense. “Please just talk to me.” Spencer’s voice is exacerbated. He can’t. He wants to talk, but he can’t. The words aren’t there. All he has are his crazy mixed up feelings. “What did I do in the shower that freaked you out? Can you at least tell me that?” Her hands are gripping the steering wheel tightly. He doesn’t know. It’s just that she was there while he was naked, completely exposed. “Some things are private Spencer.” He mumbles.