"Maybe."

"Then why are you here now listening to anything that comes from my mouth?"

"Because I love you?"

"Then you’ll listen to the shit that has happened and what has brought me to this position today." My voice is still as casual as it can be and she’s in tears now.

"I just…….. I don’t want to hear this and love you more because of who you are today-"

"I am now the person I was then though, Spence. I’m back at square one."

"Fine…… fine." she wipes her tears and I still don’t see her hostility towards this situation.

"When I cut I used to believe that I was bleeding out the pain…… then it became I was bleeding to feel some power, power over what happened to me….. and then finally it became a way to die and free myself. The drugs helped with that. I almost overdosed hundreds of times but because of my father, paramedics would rush more than normal. The sex made feel not so alone, that at that moment I was wanted and needed." When I start to talk about the sex she tense’s up. "And when I cheated on you it was different. It was about protecting you from all of that. I didn’t want you to see that I was such a fuck up."

"But you’re not," she whines.

"You love me, so your opinion in this doesn’t count."

"And your suicidal one does?"

"Look, I know this is hard to hear but I have to say it and it’s hard enough as it is."

"I’m sorry, it’s just hard to hear about what I’ve brought you back to." She screams as she breaks completely.

I never expected it to go this way, I expected her to listen and understand why I’m back here and what I have to do.

"Just listen, please, because I’ve made a decision and you need to hear it."

"I am, but it’s hard okay?"

"I know, and I’m sorry I’m so fucked up-"

"Stop it stop it stop it." she’s whispering over and over as she comes up to me and gets on her knees. "If only you could see you through my eyes," she rubs over the bandage on my arm, "you’d see how amazing you truly are and how much you should be loved." I break now along with her.