And things changed, oh how they have changed! It was like Bette was plunged into a novel, a novel she has read many times and many times vowing not be like the
heroine. Well life was like that, always throwing curves at you and laughing at how you run back and forth trying to catch them all. Sometimes you fall sometimes you manage, Bette
was the one of those that fell.

 Her apartment was ok actually, pretty cool. She had spent a month decorating it, with the help with some of her work ‘friends’. She was even more aloof now, suspiscious
of every motive behind every smile and friendly gesture. Bette became reclusive almost, surly and ambitious..rising among the professional ranks but feeling lower than an outhouse
cleaner. Why? Because she had lost. She had taken a gamble, no she wilingly went into the unknown without a fallback plan and without the skills to orate her feelings and now she
had lost everything. She had lost her husband, she had lost her lover, she had lost her house, her motivations to be more social. Bette on the outside seemed to be doing well..a nice
apartment downtown close to work, moving ever closer to having her own gallery, gaining a reputation as cut-throat bargainer. But that didn’t really matter to Bette, mean she went through
the motions but it wasn’t what was important to her. One chance, if only she had one more chance things would turn out differently. Bette would have dicorced Paxton sooner, even
before Tina moved beside them…then she would be more open to her, more open to the possibility of vulnerability. That horrible queasy feelign that someone might actually
know what goes on in her head, her heart, her feelings.

 Bette had moved quickly, her house went on the market but Bette moved out before Tina came back. Bette did not want to think about what Tina had thought, seeing the
SOLD sign in Bette’s yard. A few days after moving out Bette drove back to her old neighbourhood, driving quickly and looking….Tina did bring a man. A skinny little ***** but a good
looking one, Bette saw him getting out of his car and coming in, she saw the Tina’s back, her golden hair. As for Bette’s own love life, that was *****. Nobody was interesting to her,
she didn’t want to BE with anyone, she wanted to be with TINA. But Tina didn’t want her, well she did…but it was too complicated. It felt like they couldn’t get past these huge
hurdles to actually, naturally  BE together. Bette could see these hurdles as huge bi *****’ mountains, was it worth it? The only thing that was disabling Bette was her pride. She
had immense pride, she couldn’t get rid of it, it seemed that way. Pride helped her in terms of her work, and in getting ahead, and winning arguements. But with Tina it
tore them apart, and not just that but Tina’s passivity. Bette was angry at Tina for being so passive, if she was so in love then *****’ SAY IT!!!! *****’ grab Bette
pull her down and shout in her face that she loves her that she can’t live witohut her. Who could resist that? Maybe that was the problem, each woman was waiting for the other. And
Bette wasn’t so stupid as to not know WHY they were not talking or why they lost each other. What might have been otherwise good qualities were not helping in this situation. Bette’s
need for control, her pride, her thinly-veiled snobbiness along with Tina’s passive-aggressiveness, her patience at waiting for Bette to make the move…pugh. All were ***** now, all
were ***** and piss and dirt.