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A Life I Never Meant Chapter Ten
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“You and Bette.”
“Yeah, me and Bette.” I say, quietly.
“Have you seen her? Spoken to her?”
“No, and I don’t think that I want to.”
“That’s a different answer to what you gave the other day. In fact I don’t think that you gave me an answer the other day.”
“So am I doing better or worse?”
“That all depends on what your reasons for not wanting to see her are.” replies Ally, cautiously.
“You’re not making this any easier.”
“What makes you think that this is easy for me? We’re on opposite sides of the country, you’re in a city that you’ve refused to visit for five years, and I can’t help but think that the reason why you don’t want to see Bette is so that you don’t have to face up to the fact that you still want to be with her.” says Ally, and there is a trace of anger in her voice.
“I think that you know me better than you think you do.”
“I think that I want to get to know you a whole lot better, but I can only do that if you can let go of Bette, and this latent hold that she has over you.”
“I know.”
“So, what’s it’s going to be?” asks Ally, the anger beginning to be replaced with resignation.
“Come out here.”
“As much as I’d love to see you, I don’t think so. If you can’t decide that I’m the woman that you want without me being there then I don’t really stand a chance.”
“This isn’t the way that I intended this conversation to go.”
“I kind of guessed that much, but I want to be honest with you, and as much as it may hurt me I want you to be honest with me. Do you remember you told that part of the problem for you and Bette was that you stopped communicating, well, I don’t want that to be our downfall.”
“But it’s OK if our downfall is that I’m still in love with a woman who I haven’t seen for five years?”
There is no reply to this and I know that I have crossed a line that’s going to be hard to retrace. While this non-verbal stand off continues I think about all the great times that Ally and I have had over the last few months, it been a time where I have actually started to feel alive again, feel that there is something worth getting out of bed for other than to go to work. Now I feel like she is pushing me away just to see if I have the strength, or the will to come back.
“Tina, I might be crazy, and no-one appreciates more than me how high risk this strategy might be, but am I not giving you the chance to find out whether you’re still in love with her.”
“Yes, but why?” I reply, confused.
“Because when you come back, if you can look me in the eye and tell me that you love me I’ll know that you mean it.”
“But I do…”
“Not now Tina. If I don’t get to say it over the phone then neither do you.”
“So what if I can’t tell you, when I get back.”
“Then maybe you are really supposed to be with Bette, and even though I’ll be devastated, at least I’ll know that you’ll be happy, a happiness that I’ll never be able to give you.”
“And you trust me enough to let me find this out?” I ask, still not quite believing what I’m hearing.
“Yes. If the trust isn’t there then what do we have? It should be the foundation of what any relationship is based upon.”
“Ally, what ever happens. I think you’re amazing.”
“I think you’re pretty great too.”
“Thanks, but promise me one thing.”
“Anything.”
“That I’ll be the first to know.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I know, but the inevitability of someone getting hurt is the only thing that’s definite in all of this.” Ally replies, sadly.
“I still wish you were here.” I say, trying to say something that will bring a smile to her face.
“Yeah, well, I wish you were here.”
“I should get back to Shane, she’s doing much better.”
“That’s good news, call me later.”
“I will, and babe, look after yourself.” I say, before hanging up the phone, feeling even more confused than ever.
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great update! and i agree with ally’s high risk strategy. cannot wait for the time when b&t meet..
Cue Bette Porter, stage right…
Well Im a tibetter, so that pretty much sums it all up lol!
ally is nice but she’s not tina’s soulmate…i think tina loves her but it’s not that deep love that B&T have and i believe still have, even if they try to deny it..i do hope you’ll bring B&T together
Ally, you ARE the weakest link. GOOD-BYE! Actually I don’t feel like she’s weak at all. I feel sorry for her.
My hands are sweating waiting for the big moment when Bette and Tina come face to face. Who will see who first and what will their reaction be? From previous chaters we know that Bette is having a harder time dealing with Tina’s departure. As a tibetter I am hoping that Tina realizes that she is still very much in love with Bette.
I think that Ally is going to get her Heartbroken, great chapter
I hate to say this, but I have a horrible feeling that you are going to break Bette’s heart.
Poor Ally….so long! thanks for the update
Oh man, still no Bette in this chapter. Urgh.. can’t wait for them to meet up! Sayornara, poor Ally… great chapter. Please continue sson :)
I really feel sorry for Ally,Yet Tina might really be IN love with her, so we might be feeling so for Bette,Tina just might just love her and always will have a spot in her heart for Bette. You can decide who it shall be. thanks
Really enjoyed the chapter, oy vey, Tina has to make a decision…
Although I am still not 100% sure of where this story is headed, I will admit that I DO have my fingers crossed. To be nothing more than a fictional couple, somehow Tina and Bette present everything that “soulmates” are thought to be.
I believe that Tina and Bette are soulmates. They can be separated for years and when they see each other, they can’t help it, they have to be together. Their love is like the force that holds planets in their orbit. Never seen but totally palpable. Ally understands this B & T love and knows that Tina can never to totally hers. You’re the writer (and can do as you wish) but I don’t want an ending where Bette lets Tina go b/c if you love someone enough you have to set them free. To me, that’s inane BS and unrealistic b/c humans have to be for their own self-preservation and love.
I like Ally, but…. bu-bye.
Love it. Thank you.
Ally seems like a nice lady but she is not Bette and Tina will find that out real soon I hope. She will also find out that she does indeed still love Bette very much and is still in love with her. Actually, I think Tina already knows that she is still in love with Bete but does not want to admit to herself. Let’s see what happens. Please post soon.
I’m new to your story and I’ve enjoyed it every step of the way. Ally is so right. Tina has to find out what she really feels for Bette and what she really wants for herself with no outside influence. Looking forward to more. Thanks.
Maybe it’s just me but I hope Bette snaps out of her Tinadaze and tells her to get the stepping. Tina go back to NY and be with Ally. Yes, they should talk just to put closure on it and move on. I’m sorry I’m just not rooting for a TIbette reunion.
This is great, Alley seems nice but she’s got to go….lol
Great update! Thanks. Really feel sorry for Ally, but… but ..B&T should be together! ^_^
This is a nice way to wake up on sunday. Ally is very wise, Tina…there`re no easy answer my dear…GREAT, GREAT HISTORY!!!!!! A humble fan.
ally is very wise and i think she knows she can never take bette’s place in tina’s heart. i wonder how bette and tina will react to seeing one another after 5 years
shit fuck and damn!!!
Ally is the perfect girlfriend, but please, please, please have Tina pick Bette. Another great installment City. Thank you so much.
I’m totally in awe by this great story and your amazing writing. I belive that both B&T are still in love with each other, but they don’t want to admit it – therefore are they avoiding seeing one another. Because they are afraid to get hurt and bare their feelings in front of each other. I hope they will meet sudden/run into each other, so they can’t avoid it and I’m sure sparks will fly. Post very very soon, this is addictive :o)) Btw I belive that Tina loves Ally, but they are not soulmates because that place has Bette forever in Tina heart :o))
oh yes…bring on bette and tina soon…nice gyrl that ally….but not for tina, maybe shane? about time that gyrl hooked up for real…