We where outside in the cold. I was just getting use to it. That smoke was coming out of our mouths. No one was around to hear our bickering. Back and forth we went. About our feelings. And finally I blurted it out.

“Why won’t you sleep with me?”

“Wha….don’t change the subject.”

“I think the subjects are connected. Why won’t you sleep with me? Every time I try to get closer you push me away and tell me I am not old enough. It’s getting old. I didn’t come here to be mothered.”

“I didn’t realize that was how you felt.”

“Stop kidding yourself Helena… we had that one night all those months ago and you have avoided me like the plague, we kiss on your roof, we kiss and get closer and you push me away, now you won’t let me go out with the guys. I am getting shit from all angles.”

“You can’t go…..I have said my peace.”

And she turns and attempts to walk away. I get inside of the jeep anyway. And she turned back and got inside with me. She stares out at the driveway and I stare with her and she was on me before I knew what to do. She was clawing at me, pulling me, pushing me, not much room for anything, breathing impossible, feeling immeasurable, heat from her intolerable. Silk of her thighs, leather everything she always wears, wore. Eyes locked in the moment, getting inside, perfect swollen feel of her, perfect swollen feel of me, matched perfect, almost. Closed my eyes and the thought of Carmen just came to me…….Kept them closed. Keep them closed I said in my head. Don’t look at her, don’t break the moment. Push harder, kiss harder but goddamnit Shane keep your fucking eyes closed. Almost there, and you know Carmen is almost there, you know just how she wants it, just how she needs it. The walls get tighter and you know, while you are it Shane (me) don’t say her name. That won’t go over well. Wait whose name?