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    And Now for Something Completely Different (Single Chapter Story)

    Story written on January 1, 2006 by justkeepswimming.
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    26 votes, average: 5.00 out of 526 votes, average: 5.00 out of 526 votes, average: 5.00 out of 526 votes, average: 5.00 out of 526 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5 (26 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 35
    Words: 5257
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=58728
    Author Notes:

    Never ignore your intuition.

     

    Her scream reverberated throughout the upper level of the building. Bette and Mr. Strathmore ran back to determine what had precipitated Tina’s response.

     

    He shone his flashlight into the corner where Tina stood transfixed by her own terror.

     

    "Tee, it’s an old dress form," Bette said, shocked at Tina’s uncharacteristic reaction.

     

    "It used to be a fashion design studio," Mr. Strathmore explained. "There are a few of these things around, along with some bolts of dust covered fabric."

     

    "I think I’m just a little on edge," Tina said apologetically. "It’s been a long week, and I’ve been reading too many horror stories lately."

     

    "Do you want to go?" Bette asked. "If you’re tired, perhaps it’s just better if we head home and turn in early."

     

    Tina felt as though Bette was being a bit patronizing with her tone.

     

    "I’m not tired Bette," Tina replied curtly. "Finish seeing what you’re able to see and then we’ll be on our way."

     

    "What’s in that room?" Bette inquired, motioning to the opposite end of the loft like space. A doorway, just adjacent to the top of the stairs, blocked a good portion of the upper level.

     

    "I think we need to save that for a return visit," Mr. Strathmore started. "It has not been adequately cleaned and does not yet reflect the quality I think this space has to offer."

     

    A mouse chose that moment to scurry its way across the floor between them.

     

    Tina’s eyes followed it, first as it made its mad dash, and then as it worked its body between two boards in the wall. Random body parts in deserted buildings scared her. Mice did not.

     

    "Was that a rat?" Bette asked, angry that the agent would think to show her a building that was infested by pests that could very well harm the very product she was hoping to showcase. She had made her requirements perfectly clear over the phone, and this was a clear violation.

     

    "This building was examined within the last two weeks by the best exterminator in the city," he hurried to explain. "There was no evidence of any rodents or termites, and the structure of the beams is impeccable."

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    Comments

    12. Very interesting story and I think you can take it further if you want to and make it into a thriller….hahaha. Just a thought. Whatever you offer up, I will gladly read. Thanks, JKS.

    14. Ok that creeped me out I was like run Tina run. You should always trust your first instincts even if they seem utterly ridiculous. btw the mice/rat would have been enough to have me high-tailing it out of there.

    20. When women put themselves in a dangerous situation like this, I am always annoyed at their taking such a chance. Don’t they ever watch movies? Don’t they know how dangerous it is to go into a spooky building? As I was reading your post I kept wondering if B&T were wearing those four-inch spiked heels. It’s hard to run in those stilts……Perhaps you’re right that “less is more,” but I always enjoy your stories, long or short.

    22. I’m with slipperynipple. I would’ve said “Fuck this shit!” and ran as soon as the mouse appeared. Actually I probably wouldn’t have gone at all. It’s crazy how easy it is to scare me. Feel free to continue with this because it sounds cool.

    23. Hey great to hear from you so quickly :o)) This was very creepy and very diffirent, but in my book you’ve carried through another challenge to an A (grade)….I don’t know if that sounded right in english??? but I hope so….I just wanted to say I loved it :o)) Take care in 2006…

    24. Yay, a new story, looking forward to rolling with this one. Keep it coming swimmie, maybe 50% less viewers, but we are 100% faithful. Keep the ink flowing…Cheers luv

    27. That was awesome. Do Bette and Tina wander around aimlessly in the back of your mind until you figure out a new scenario in which to place them? Between you and me (and everybody else who reads this comment), they own a penthouse in my mind.By the way, I love the Monty Python reference.

    34. Why did chose to get up at 2:30 in the morning, wander down a dark hallway to my office to read this story? Who’s going to hold my hand as I try to get back to my bedroom? …Great change of pace JKS, an excellent diversion of domestic drama… Now, where’s my flashlight?

    35. wow! Awesome writing!! i loved this story! It really made me think :) Don’t worry about the other readers…we’re the important ones! Please, keep writing. I’ll be reading.

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