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Another Left Turn – Chapter 8
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‘Bette—’
‘No, I – I know I’m too much sometimes—’
‘You’re not.’
‘But you said it, I didn’t make space for you.’
Tina sighed, exasperated with herself. ‘I know, I know what I said, but’ – she took both Bette’s hands – ‘please, Bette, listen to me. I was blaming you for not being able to read my mind, for all kinds of reasons, but the important thing is that it can stop here.’ She bumped their collective hands on the cushion in between them. ‘We can stop it. We can both learn to get our needs met honestly.’
A horrible queasy feeling rose up in Bette’s throat. She swallowed it down. Tina was watching her with a forensic intensity, she knew, and she felt very exposed.
‘I want to,’ she said, her brow cinched in an internal struggle.
‘What’s wrong?’ Tina asked. ‘Tell me, I can take it.’
Bette looked at Tina. There was fear in her eyes. ‘I’m just scared.’ Tina waited, her hazel eyes steady on Bette’s. ‘When we got married . . . The day we got married, I thought “Okay. That’s it. This is my family.”’ Bette put her hand to her forehead, crying hard. ‘And then I drove you away again.’
Tina was crying too. She drew closer. ‘I’m sorry . . . I’m sorry I said those things, baby, they weren’t true . . .’
‘It’s okay,’ Bette sniffed, pulled a tissue from the box. ‘It’s my fault, I just get . . . I let things unsettle me. Like you turning up yesterday, that should’ve just been a happy thing, but I felt – I just felt blindsided.’ She gave a hollow laugh. ‘Even a good surprise, I don’t want it! This morning, you taking Angie to school. I didn’t like it because I didn’t know what you were gonna say to her about us, but I don’t want to be controlling and put myself first, and you’re saying “get our needs met” but getting my needs met was a disaster . . .’
The confusion Tina could see in Bette hurt her heart. Its roots were deep, the evidence difficult to refute.
‘My God, Tee,’ Bette said, ‘not one week ago I had given you up. Completely. My heart was broken, and you loved someone else, and then . . . then you leave me a voicemail, at midnight, and ask me to wait a month, and I don’t know what for, but I can’t say no, and then I’m planning to see you at Helena’s on Friday but you turn up here on Wednesday, with this secret you’ve kept, and I . . . it’s just . . .’
Tina watched Bette struggle to find the words and then found them herself. ‘You need me to be predictable.’
Bette blinked. A penny dropping. ‘I need you to be predictable.’
They both felt the echo of their recent exchange about Tina missing Kit’s funeral.
We needed that space, Tina had said.
You needed that space, Bette had replied.
I needed that space, Tina had confirmed.
Bette sat forward and lifted Tina’s right hand to her lips, then held it against her face. Tina edged closer still, and ran her left hand through Bette’s hair. Those wild black curls that Bette used an army of products to tame. And although her sleek look was high-end attractive, in a conventional way, to Tina the curls were something else. They were Bette. And they were part of the Bette that was in Angie. Over the years, when Tina would tell Bette to let her hair do its thing, Bette would always remind her that she’d fallen in love with her when she had a poker-straight, asymmetric bob! To which Tina would reply, ‘I fell in love with you despite a poker-straight, asymmetric bob.’ But for Tina, watching Bette age had been one of the aspects she’d mourned deepest when they’d divorced. The permanent loss of that intimacy that comes with seeing a face and body you love up close, every day, all the changes, the big and the small.
A block of strong sunlight had Bette slightly backlit as Tina gazed at her. The profusion of black curls edged like a halo, her face, without a scrap of makeup, sculpted, lean and finely lined. Tina’s whole being was a swim of emotion. Nostalgia for their youth; remorse for all the hurt; deep, deep gratitude for yet another chance.
‘Come here,’ she said.
Without looking up, Bette answered the familiar words. She edged into Tina’s arms. Tina laid her head on Bette’s, and noticed the goldfinches had come back. One of them, a male, was warbling while the female waited. Tina closed her eyes, listening to the beautiful song. Bette closed hers, hearing only Tina’s heartbeat, strong and steady.
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Largo, this chapter, this story is simply beautiful. Whatever crisis of confidence you had or are having about this story needs to be put away never to surface again. I loved this chapter, especially the first part where they wake up together. It was so REAL. So clear and heartbreaking at the same. All the reasons Tina has been such a disaster make sense now with your writing and Bette being so strong… this is a helluva story. Thank you for the time you put into this and for weaving a beautiful tapestry of a relationship that is becoming stronger each moment. Post soon, stay well. Thanks
Oh, thank you BK! You’re a terrific writer and it’s so lovely to know that you have confidence in the story and are enjoying it. :-)
I saw in your author note for RWYA that you’d been a bit up and down as well, but you’re right: loving, fluffy B&T is comforting for writer and reader alike (if you’re a Tibetter, of course, haha)
Thank you again for the comment and encouragement. Stay well and keep writing! x
It was a very good chapter, thank you!
So don’t wary about the writing crisis – if talking about myself – i didn’t see it in this chapter.
Hmm, don’t really understood why Angie was mad – because Tina showed without telling her?
I like that Bette did tell Tina about her research Tina’s sister – i’m wonder would Tina ever want to see and confront her for the past? Or it’s already too much time had passed?
So, waiting for the next chapter!
Hi Zhenya! Thank you for reading this chapter and I’m glad you liked it. :-)
With Angie, you’re right – it’s not super clear why she’s annoyed. I think I lost sight of that a bit. I think it was that Bette had led her to think things were going more slowly and then all of a sudden Tina rocks up and they sleep together and Angie was like ‘When is anyone going to just tell me wtf is happening with my parents???’ Possibly on top of feeling that Bette in particular seems to feel entitled to micro-manage Angie’s relationship with Jordi. So just frustration on Angie’s part, rather than being against B&T reuniting as such.
I can’t see Tina confronting her sister, but she probably be able to go through some kind of grieving process that’s healthier than just ignoring what happened?
Thank you again for sticking with this story and for taking the time to comment. It is really appreciated x
Largo,
I can appreciate being stuck. Trying to weave through the mess of the new show and capture our girls is tough creatively. You are doing an amazing job. I love your approach.. Alice is going to flip for sure when she finds out.
K
Thanks, SuperK! I am going to read your ‘Love, Loss’ story this week, along with catching up with some others. There are so many great writers and interesting takes on all the L Word characters in this site, it’s kind of a shame when the show comes back and it’s meh, haha
I wish I had more Alice in my story, but I find her situation (in canon, which is where I began) a bit dull and it’s hard to be realistic about how much time people with kids have for just hanging out! I know that doesn’t bother the show writers, but it bothers me :-)
Thank you for reading my story and for the encouragement. Means a great deal to me x
I laughed at “it’s kind of a shame when the show comes back and it’s meh”. You, SuperK and other writers are doing such a great job exploring deep down the tibette relationship we all adore. Thank YOU for sharing your talent and beautiful stories with us readers who can’t write :)
Hi Vertigo295! Thank you very much for the comment, and I agree – we are all, Tibette writers and readers alike, enjoying these stories and seeing the potential in Bette and Tina. Thank you again for the encouragement! :D
This is a really nice story. I see very clearly how off balance Bette is by what is happening all around her. I can see the difficulty Tina is having trying to understand why she behaved the way she did and knowing how much hurt it caused Bette. I can see the difficulty she had with owning up to be honest with Bette and telling her that she was not honest with her from day one. I can see that Bette is doing all she can to control her anger and yet do what she really wants to do more than anything else – protect Tina. Bette needs to understand that at this point, its not protection, its revenge. I love the fact that Tina recognizes that both she and Bette have controlling personalities. This is essential to the healing which they will both need to produce a strong relationship going forward.
I hope that Bette and Tina will get to a more grounded position soon. Its a matter of rebuilding trust in each other. Trust that the other is being completely open with the other. They need to both morn the loss of the time they missed together and celebrate a new found relationship which will happen once they understand all the ramifications of this event in Tina’s past. Bette’s fear is well founded – fear that she can go through all this pain and hurt, then to have hope and promise only to be jilted again. Its a lot to go through.
This story handles this emotional trauma with such care and gentleness yet shows the damage that can occur as a result. The fact that Bette is willing to go to therapy with Tina is a good thing. Bette perhaps should consider individual therapy as well.
Thank you for this story…take a deep breath, and write when you can.
Hey Martha, it’s great to hear your comments, as ever. You always bring such a lot of insight and, with this chapter, I appreciate in particular your observation that Bette’s impulse *now* is about revenge and not protection. That is exactly right, but I hadn’t thought of it that way. (I might use that in the story!)
One of the reasons I struggled with this chapter is related to what you say about Bette’s shattered trust. Tina is asking a HUGE amount from Bette, and it didn’t feel right to just let it be a ‘Bette is pining for Tina, Tina finally comes back, hurray, they’re happy now’ story. That felt wrong, but it’s also hard to not give Tina what she wants straight away, when she’s been through so much herself… Aargh. This is why I love writing, but it does my head in sometimes, in a fun way :-) I just love the hopefulness they have, the tiny flame that never went out.
I think Bette will go to see Wendy. I love writing Wendy!
Thank you again, as ever. I really appreciate your time x
Largo,
We understand “life” getting in the way that sometimes brings that damn dark clouds. The wait for this post was truly worth it. 🥰 (Can we still use this emoji 😳🙄. Well I’m using it.
I really was moved by Kit’s insight that there was “hidden meanness” in Tina. That’s exactly what we saw when Tina turned to Helen & Henry and made mincemeat of Bette by parading them in her face.
I like that Tina had to admit that numbing herself in attempt to hide the helplessness, loss of control, and shame that victims of abuse must overcome, indeed had encased her soul from being able to “feel” loved.
And if U remember from the show, when Tina was with Alice taking the pregnancy test, Tina had mentioned that she had done that test “many” times over the years when she was with men. Tina was promiscuous a sign that abuse had likely occurred at some point in childhood and/or the formative teenage years.
Whether a person is outwardly aggressive (Bette) or passively aggressive (Tina) the goal to have some measure control over the stuff that life brings. And “feeling loved” so often seems to set one up for unimaginable pain (when relationships don’t pan out).Love how U’ve answered some questions that had not been answered for Tibette.
Looking 4ward to their visits with Wendy. Also figure their paths will surely cross with Rossanna. Did either one of their parents know that one or both of the girls had been abused, and did NOTHING to rescue the child🤔.
Whenever U post, we’ll be ready!!
Hiya Dumplin! What a great comment, thank you very much :-)
I hadn’t thought at all about the different ways B&T are aggressive – they’re very complex, aren’t they? Bette can be pass-agg too, but yes, Tina is almost never straightforward asking for what she wants. S6 of TLW was so hopeful, though, that they’d grown. I think my B&T are kind of an outgrowth of those S6 people.
I’d completely forgotten about that comment of T’s about the pregnancy tests. I’m very inexpert about abuse, and worry about getting stuff wrong in this story, as I know it’s a very important and serious subject, so I just try not to rush it. Let them work on it with patience and love and NO FLOUNCING OFF! lol
In my story world, only Tina and Rosanna knew what was happening. Tina’s interrogation tape makes it clear that she wasn’t even certain that what Rosanna was up to wasn’t normal, so in my view she didn’t tell her mom, and then Rosanna would be off to college and that was the beginning of Tina burying it, not rocking the boat, which was already rocking with her father’s philandering – again, Tina protecting her mother? Poor girl.
I love that you loved the Kit stuff. I think flashback or two is coming. WE NEED KIT, don’t we?? haha
Thank you again for the time and care in your comment. I was wobbling but everyone has been so encouraging and I appreciate it so much x
Great post. Don’t worry about ‘Writer’s block’ or crisis whatever name you call it, when the outcome is a post as good as this it’s served a purpose.
Looking forward to your next post whenever it appears but hope it’s soon.
Stay safe and well in these troubled times
SG
Hi SG! Thank you, as ever, for reading this chapter and commenting. I love having you along on this story-ride. I am feeling a lot more energy about the story now! You guys are really great at encouragement :-)
I hope you are keeping well too! I am fine, touch wood. Grateful for all the essential workers and for LesFan for entertainment and nice people x
I understood Angie’s reaction to Tina staying with Bette, I thing she feels left out and just want her moms to explain to her what’s going on. And she’s right, only her moms are clueless too tight now, I think, and as Tina said, she can’t tell Angie about her sister so it’s understandable why Angie can’t figure out why Bette is so forgiving towards Tina. I’m glad she’s more on board after her talk with Tina in the car.
I keep wondering about Bette’s lack of sexual attraction towards Tina, since we know she did had an affair with Felicity. I wonder how it’s going to play out later in your story, since it is an important part of every relationship.
It’s really good to see T&B really talking about their relationship and their problems, and not sweeping things under the rug. Their interactions together are all over the place, which is understandable. They are awkward one moment, then affectionate, then comforting. They need to keep being honest with each other to try and get a sense of how their relationship works now, after everything. Looks like they are on the right track!