**

The whole room is a complete mess, but the table is clean and covered with a white tablecloth when I enter the dining room.
There are two chairs, one facing the other, two silver plates, two goblets, a shining flatware.
I take a look around, perplexed.
Carmen is nowhere to be seen, and the whole house seems soundless.
I swallow, silently, and smooth down my tie absent-mindedly.
I light a candle and put it on the table.
Then I take a bottle of Chianti.
Right then, Carmen appears in front of me like a ghost, making me jolt in surprise and – honestly – scaring the shit out of me.
She is leaning against the doorframe, a silver tray table full of appetizers in her right hand.
She’s wearing a wonderful, amazing white dress and her shoulders are naked. Her long, dark hair is down on her back.
“Hi”, she says, quietly, looking at me.
I smile a shy smile, feeling an unexpected excitement running through my body.
“I opened a great old one, to let it breathe…”, I murmur, pouring the Chianti.
She walks slowly, swaying her hips in that special way of hers, she lays the tray right on the table, taking a seat and observing me in the warm light of the candle.
“You look beautiful”, I say.
I can’t help it. She does.
She doesn’t smile.
“You do, too”.
“Thank you…”.
I look down.
Then I glance at her.
A brief, rapid glance and immediately my head bends down, again, my eyes fixed on my empty plate.
“I was surprised, happily surprised, by your invitation…”, I mutter.
She shrugs her shoulders, slightly, taking her glass.
“Thank you for the wine”, she says, “I hope it’s not poisoned”.
I chuckle, raising my goblet.
“Same here”.
We stare at each other intently, waiting for the other one to drink first.
Eventually, we do it at the same time.
Carmen puts down her glass and clasps her hands on the table.
“We’ve made a mess of things, Shane”.
“We sure have”.
She doesn’t break eye-contact with me.
“I want to start living a normal life again”, she states, quietly.
I nod my head.
“I do too, Carmen”.
I chuckle, nervously.
“Sitting here like this, it’s… “, I swallow, “…It’s hard to believe that we can’t be happy”.
Carmen raises her eyebrows.
“We can be happy… Just not together”.
I freeze.
“I want to ask you one last time to leave”.
I shake my head, stubbornly, feeling my heart sinking, breaking into a million pieces.
“I can’t do that. I won’t”.
Carmen sighs.
“You make so much money, Shane”.
Her eyes cold, distant somehow. And pleading.
But the truth is that I just can’t read them and it’s terrifying.
“You can buy another house and replace everything”, she is saying.
“Except you”, I interrupt her suddenly.
I lift my head, staring at her.
I can feel the bitter taste of tears in my throat.
“You may find this hard to believe but… I still love you”, I add.
Carmen closes her eyes. I don’t know why.
Maybe she is hiding something, maybe she doesn’t want me to see that something.
“Yes, I find it hard to believe”, she murmurs, feebly.
“I still… want you…”, I whisper, ducking my head and trying hard to meet her eyes.
“I find it hard to believe”, she repeats, swallowing.
“What you can’t believe is that I don’t want you”, I say, frankly.
“Well, I… Yeah, I have a problem with that. I mean…”, she bites her bottom lip in that particular way that drives me crazy, “… I think I am good person, as people go…”.
I get up without even noticing it, my fingers still lingering on the table, longing for her touch.
“What can we do to patch things up?”, I ask her, feeling my heart beat faster, faster.
Carmen shakes her head, rubbing her eyes.
“…I don’t know…”.
“Tell me”.
“I can’t”.
I kneel down in front of her, forcing myself not to touch her.
And all I wanna do is touch her.
“Please…”, I whisper.
“I don’t know”.
“Carmen…”, I dare, resting my hand on her knee.
She jerks and immediately gets up, stepping away from me.
“I don’t wanna talk about it”, she exclaims, regaining her composure.
“Shane, if you don’t get out of here now, you have no idea how far I’ll go”.
It could sound like a threat, but it’s not.
I can see it in her eyes.
Her voice says something, but her eyes say something totally different.
“How far? Tell me”, I say, cautiously, getting up.
Carmen throws her hands in the air.
“Shane, we have been horrible to each other!”.
I nod my head.
“Yes, you’re right. We’ve been horrible to each other, but we had something…”.
I move some steps towards her and grab her shoulders.
Her head lifts and she looks at me, straight in the eyes.
She seems scared, worried. Terrified.
“…We still do”, I murmur, softly.
Her chin trembles.
“We haven’t passed any point of no return”, I finally add.
She wiggles out of my grip, crossing her arms.
“I have”.
I lift my chin, clenching my jaw.
“I am not convinced”.
She rolls her eyes, just for a second, and I can see her nostrils quiver in rage.
“You see? Can’t you fucking see? That’s the problem!! That’s the fucking problem!”, she exclaims, backing up.
I exhale, frowning.
“What the hell are you talking about? What’s your problem?!”.
Carmen points her finger at me.
“You, Shane. You are my fucking problem. You and your fucking superiority complex!”.
I am speechless.
I blink my eyelids, feeling my blood boil.
“And you know what my problem is? It’s that you don’t seem to learn how to treat people!”, I yell.
Carmen smirks joylessly.
“Oh, I must have missed that lesson. Just like I’ve missed the one about not marrying the enemy”.
I grit my teeth, feeling her slipping away, away from me. Feeling as if I have nothing to lose anymore.
I head towards the fireplace and grab the Japanese carving.
“Do you remember this, Carmen? Huh? Do you remember this?!”, I say, as my heart bumps into my chest.
I am holding the statuette that made us meet, that made us fall in love with each other, that made us become what we are.
All our life together is in my hand, now.
Carmen’s eyes turn serious and cold. Deep, deep brown eyes transfixed on the statuette.
“…I know you do”, I say, panting slightly.
She doesn’t reply.
She is motionless, her athletic body ready to move faster then I can imagine.
“You are a jerk…”, she murmurs after a while.
I smile, evilly.
“I’ll tell you what”, I say, in a flat tone.
“You say it’s mine, and you can have everything in this house”.
Carmen lifts her head and stares at me.
“Okay”, she answers, “It’s mine”.
A part of me would like to smash this statuette on the floor.
A part of me would like all of this to end.
A part of me would like to kill her.
And I know a part of Carmen would like to kill me.
I slowly bend my head.
“You know Carm… There is this huge space between us…”, I murmur, “…And it just keeps filling up with everything that we don’t say to each other”. I look up, look at her.
“What’s that called?”.
Carmen doesn’t even blink her eyelids.
“Marriage”, she simply replies.
And, finally, I give up.
I am tired.
I slowly walk towards her, the statuette still in my hand.
I hand it to her and the tension between us can be cut with a knife.
“You want it?”, I ask, seriously.
“You want it? …It’s yours”, I finally murmur.
Carmen’s eyes fill with tears.
Tears of pain, of tiredness, of disappointment.
Tears of love.
Now I can see that.
“Don’t!”, she yells, sobbing, daring me to fight her, to hurt her.
To hurt her again.
“Don’t!! Come on! Come on!”.
I place the statuette on the table.
“…You can have everything… I am tired…You win”.
I walk out the room, towards the stairs.
Carmen sobs, silently, observing my getaway.
I stop, placing my hand on the banister and my right foot already on the first step.
I turn my head towards her.
“I am gonna leave. I am gonna pack, and leave. Tonight”.
I try hard not to cry, and it’s so difficult.
“I guess happy endings are just stories that haven’t finished, yet. But there is still something that I need to tell you”.
I close my eyes.
“I am sorry. You were right. You are. I am so sorry, Carmen. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I’ve never wanted to do any harm. And I didn’t want to lose you. I love you. I have always loved you. Always will”.