“Say that you love me and you’re not leaving me…” She said.

“I’m not sure… if this… is the life I want…” I said; why did I say it? Hell if I know.

“What are you saying C…?” She whispered to me.

“I’m… I’m saying… I want to think about this….” I said; I could almost hear the shattering. She looked at me; and not believing my words. “I don’t think I can do this Shane… sooner or later; I’m going to hear gun shots… there’s just bound to be killings here… and I can’t deal my life like that…” I said to her. The conversation went south again.

“I’ll… I’ll find some other place to do all that… it doesn’t have to be the house; that’s a small matter Carmen…” She said to me; trying to fix this. Like its normal finding a new place to her “things”.

“No… It’s not about the place; it’s knowing you doing those things… I can’t… I can’t do this…” I said; seconds later I felt the tears flowing from my eyes. I’m really letting her go. I can be called stupid or smart in this situation.

“Don’t quit on me now Carmen……”

“Don’t you think you’re better off without me…” I said.

“No… no, no, no…. I am not better off without you Carmen….” Her face was disrupted; she doesn’t know what to do to make me stay. Nothing can… I think. I can’t do this; I thought I could… but no. “What do I have to do to make you stay?” She asked me.

“I don’t really know…”

“Look… what is it that you want? Tell me… I’ll make it happen Carmen….” She said.

“It’s not that easy Shane….”

“What is it that’s not easy… just tell me; what is it that you want?!” She was shouting at me now.

“You can never give me what I want!!” I screamed back; crying and all that.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” She was shocked with what I said.

“Normality; you Shane…. is not it… your life are not it; your background is not it… what you do; is… not… it!” I said to her. It left us speechless for a while until she found something else to say to me.