Opening the swing door to the planet, warm air mixed in with the scent of tobacco and alcohol induced dancing slapped her frost bitten face. It looked like nothing had really changed, though. Apparently it was still a dance club, looking around for anyone she knew, she managed to spot nobody. With luck, Shane thought with a mental smile. She just felt like she wasn’t ready face everyone else. The one thing that she knew about her friends was that they always looked to Shane for comfort, knowing that she never could commit any bad act that would intentionally hurt them. Always they would be messing up, and Shane would be the friend by helping them out and fixing the problem. But right then, she was scared to even look at them. To see all of those faces of disappointment, from all the people she cared about most in the world. Surprisingly, the only person she felt like even glancing at was Carmen, maybe even starting a conversation or go out sometime. It felt more easy to build that friendship and relationship back than the others. Although that was sort of cruel, that was all she felt up to doing. Grabbing a table in the back, away from all the moving bodies and blaring speakers. She meshed in with the tangled shadows that seemed to reach out to her in comfort, the cool fingers brushing over her melancholy form as she needed this darkness more than they needed her. It was that time in her life that Shane felt obligated to remain in this dark state, like her whole being had just finally given in to the depressive composure like she almost had before asking out Carmen for the first time. Although she did have her sights set on one thing and one thing only now, she was as lost as ever.

Leaning back into the chair, she stretched out her legs on a near by chair pushed under her table; her eyes wandered around the room from a speck on the bright neon walls to different dancing woman. No matter what the skin color, the hair color, eye color; all she could see was the caramel skin, luscious brown hair, and cooing chocolate eyes. All she could see was her, all she could smell was her; Shane couldn’t get Carmen out of her fucking head even if she wanted to. It was so damned pathetic. After so many years of trying to dodge it, trying to avoid a relationship, the attachment just for this. For what? Heart break, buzzed hangovers, and repeated images of a beautiful angel? Was it worth it, the image of her old self deluded in her mind asked. Was she worth all of this? Look at you, your pathetic? What happened to the one night fuck and two second good-byes? And you thought it could happen, didn’t you? Poor little Shane fell in love, thought she could be happy. Sorry to tell you this, sweet cakes, but happiness never lasts. Nothing good ever lasts. The last bit of the imaginable character in her skull repeated itself over and over, like a broken record that wasn’t really broken but it just kept… skipping.