I sit at my desk and pick up a penready to writeready to workbut I cant. My mind is racing with thoughts of Candace. What am I going to say to her? What is she going to say to me? Who started the affair? Was it meor her? Why did I let it go on? I was in so much painI just wanted to feelto feel nothingto be numb. I couldnt cope with the hurt. Then Candace kissed mesweet releaseif just for that moment. I told her I couldnt do itI love Tina. Then I got into her car. She was my escapeI couldnt be strong anymore.

Bette? Startled, I look up to see Father Andy standing in my doorway.

Father Andy, I rise, sounding as cheerful as I can manage. I didnt expect to see you today. I extend my hand for a handshake and usher him into my office. I peer into the hallway looking for Candace. Shes not thereI quickly step back into my office and shut the door.

After last night, he hesitates. I thought I should drop by to check on you. How are you?

I turn to face him, leaning on the door. I spent the night here.

What? Why? Hes beginning to grow concerned.

I just sat down, gesturing to the sofa, and started thinking about what you said. You were right. I shouldnt have lashed out at Candace like I did. But it wasnt for your benefitor hers.

Then whose benefit was it for?

My own, I think. I needed to prove to myself that I could say no to herthat I could stand up to her. I think instead I proved that I cant. Shes supposed to come by this afternoon to talk.

Is that why you scoped out the hallway, he says with an outlandish grin. How does he always manage to catch me off guard?

Laughing I say, YesI guess it is. More seriously, I dont know how Im going to talk to herwhat Ill say. I mean, I love Tinathats not the issue. The issue isI just couldnt seem to say no to Candace.