Youre mine, she says.

Her mouth is hot and wet over mine. Savage. Shes pushing all my limits until I couldnt even tell I had any. Shes taking me higher than I have ever gone, but I know she will not let me get hurt when I fall. When we fall. Were together in this. Shes with me and in this briefest of moments, I think I need nothing else. But Im immediately reminded. Of blue eyes, carefree smile, and innocence. Youre mine, she says. And I shake my head in disagreement.

Alice Alice

Butterfly kisses dotted along my jaw line. Its too gentle. I yank her head back by her hair and mash our mouths together, nipping not quite gently at her lower lip. She yelps in surprise. The sound is muffled. She gets the message and doesnt try sweetly any longer. Instead, she pushes me further into the bed and strives to make me lose all semblance of control and all sense of self.

Youre mine, she repeats with more force behind her words.

Im restless and writhing beneath her hands and mouth. I wish she would hurry up and just get on with it. No more words. Stop trying to convince me of something I know couldnt be true.

Youre mine, she pronounces with cool confidence, a smirk, still I dont submit.

The world stops as we climb further. Im losing awareness of my surroundings. Shes the only constant in my ever-shifting reality, which is quickly falling away. I grab onto her and dare not let go. Shes taking me to some new place I have never been to, and I wish we would never come back. I dont want to deal with indecision and conflict any longer. I just want to leave it all behind.

Youre mine, she pants, as we both drift back down to earth. I nod.

~~

Weve dressed, and Im smoothing out the last wrinkles of my poor clothes, so easy forgotten earlier in a moment of passion. She reaches out towards me and tucks a stray lock of blond hair behind my ear. Im more conflicted now than ever.

I need you she says, placing a tender kiss on my forehead. I nod but she freezes me with her next words, I need you to love me.

I pull away to look her in the eyes. Shades of green, as always, stare back at me. Serious. Truthful. Pleading. And I just want to die. Freezing thawing, Im always in a constant state of indecision. She leans in and kisses me softly, but I dont stop her this time. This time I want to feel what it is like to be loved by Shane.

A knock at the door and we pull apart. Wordlessly, I go to see who the visitor is. My breath hitches. Dana. The lock slides to the left, click, and she enters when the door swings open. There is an unexpected determination in her expression.

I love you, Alice, she blurts out, not giving me a chance to question her presence. I love you, and – and I want to be with you.

There is hardly time for shock before she has us in a lip lock. Its everything Ive ever wanted, and I cant even remember how long I have ached for her to come to me with such a declaration. I lose myself in the kiss until a curt clearing of a throat interrupts us. Dana turns around, seeing Shane for the first time.

Oh, hi Shane, she says, hardly knowing the significance of such an event as this. The three of us, standing in the same room, wanting such different things.

She turns back to me, completely oblivious. Darling, lovable Dana, I wrap my arms around her waist, cuddling closer to her warmth. I tell myself I dont want to be cold anymore. I want to believe that. For the most part, it is true. Over her shoulder, my eyes lock onto Shanes. A sea of green and Im reminded of exactly where I am. Caught between a rock and a hard place unable to ever escape.