The statement makes me smile. Not so much for the fact that Dana, the girl Im hopelessly in love with, is officially on the market once more but for the fact that all this despondence is less the result of the loss of Tanya and more the result of a realization which set in shortly after the final settlement. Dana, at such a young age, has procured a failed marriage.

I take the ring shes cradling from her hands. For a few beats, we do nothing else but stare down at the simple gold band. My grin widens as I look up at her. Without another thought, I toss the offending object carelessly away and catch her lips with mine. She laughs and deepens the kiss, laying back and pulling me over her. Its sweet and playful. Its not enough. I want more. Its never enough.

In a matter of moments, our positions are reversed. She has one hand on my shoulder and is lightly pushing me into her soft, cushioned mattress. The action alone fills my stomach with fluttering butterflies. And suddenly, it all seems so wrong. The action is Shanes, and I refuse to taint any moment with Dana with remembrances of Shane.

I push her away roughly without another thought. Were breathing hard, ragged. Shes looking at me with confusion once again. Like before. I thought we were passed that. Were not.

~~

The dull thump of my fist repeatedly hitting her chest resounds in my ears. She tightens her hold on me, trapping me in her arms. Shes speaking, shouting really, but Im blinded by hot tears and deaf to her questions and pleas. My head is a jumble of thoughts. How could she do this to me? How could she make me care about her? How could she turn what we have into something more?

It was suppose to be nothing! I scream at her hoarsely.

Her befuddled expression only serves to anger me more. How could she ruin my life then act as if she did nothing? Im furious with her. I blame her because I dont wish to place the blame where it truly belongs. On me. Oh god, its all my fault. I stop struggling. Limp. She holds me up. She doesnt let me fall. Im sobbing hard into her shoulders. She murmurs small comforts to me, her lips caressing my temple.