“Are you sure? What had you thinking so hard you couldn’t write?”

She really does want to know and a part of me wants to have this conversation. I know its one we need to have. I need to explain some things to her so that she can understand where I am coming from. I think she thinks that Alice girlfriend is the same as Alice best friend. And I’m not. I don’t have the same trust issues with friends, though I do have a few. I don’t have nearly as low a level of self-confidence as a friend as I do as a girlfriend. I know I need to tell her about this. If I don’t, we aren’t going to make find a way to do this properly. But at the same time, as much as I know that Dana would never hurt me, that she would never take anything I said in confidence and hurt me with it, the idea of feeling that vulnerable scares the ***** out of me. Maybe even more so because I know that she wouldn’t hurt me, because then if she did, it would be that much more devastating. But I need to talk to her, so here goes nothing.

“I was just thinking about us.” I look away from her and turn my eyes to the TV, unable to meet her gaze. I think if I do, she could actually look through me. She could see into places I swore I would never allow people again.

She reaches over to me, to try and get me to look at her. “Hey there. Why are you turning away from me? If you were thinking about us, it should be good, right?” She pauses for a moment and I hear her take in a breath. “I mean, you haven’t changed your mind, right?”

I turn and look at her and she is looking at me with such trepidation. Her emotions are right there for me to see. She doesn’t hide anything. I’m jealous of that ability. It’s all right there, the fear, the hope and the love. The love is always right there.

“Dane, no. No I haven’t changed my mind. I’m sorry. I should have finished my thought, huh?”