“Baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be right here.”

I don’t know how to explain this to her. That sentence makes me freak even more. I can barely make sense of this myself, why did I think I could explain this to her.

“I know you think so. But can I ask a favor?”

“Of course, anything.”

“Please don’t say always or forever. I am trying super hard to get comfortable believing in tomorrow, I’m not quite ready for forever. It’s not that I think you don’t mean it. I just think that life sort of gets in the way and it can change things. And if the day comes when we have to end this, I don’t ever want to think you broke a promise. I don’t ever want to look at this and think anything but good things.”

“Al”

“Dane, I’m serious. Please. I know that I have to change the way I look at things. You don’t deserve to be punished because I’ve been through *****. I don’t want to put other people’s mistakes onto you. But I’m just not ready for forever. I hope I can soon, but right now, I just can’t.”

She turns me half way around so that she can look at me. “Ok. For now, ok. I promise you, I will get you to believe in it. I don’t want you wondering and waiting for me to leave. I don’t plan on it. I will get you to believe in unconditional love.”

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet, I’m not done yet. Like you said, you and I come form different places and different families. Maybe, you need to take a little from my past to help you believe it exists. I mean, I grew up thinking everyone had families like mine. And you know what I experienced was real. So I’ll try to understand where you come from and where your fears come from, but I need you to help. I need you to try to understand why I can believe in it. Deal?”

I smile at her, and I mean that smile. “Deal.” I twist myself a little uncomfortably, but enough so I can kiss her. “You know, I heard this song yesterday and I can’t stop listening to it. I think it’s going to be my new mantra. It helped me figure out why I was acting like this and why I have to stop.”