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Chandelier – 42
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The reason why she didn’t feel confident about having Tina back.
She doesn’t belong to me anymore.
Unbreakable, had been another adjective she’d used.
But these past few weeks, yes, weeks, all those things had seemed like such lies. Tina wasn’t unbreakable, Bette got that now. And neither was she. In fact, in retrospect, that had been the best part of their relationship, what had made them special. They could be vulnerable with each other, and trust the other to catch them. Possibly put them back together.
Tina was strong, even when she was falling apart. She fought, and in the end the emotional expense of her fighting spirit had exhausted her.
Bette slid her hand into Tina’s, marvelling at how well they still fit together, bringing their entwined hands to her lips. She smiled weakly at Tina as she kissed the back of the blonde’s hand. "I’m sorry."
"What for?" Tina asked, confusion etched in her expression.
"Thinking I could live without you." Bette smiled.
Tina sighed. "I don’t want having to fight for you anymore, B. I can’t keep doing that."
"You won’t have to." Bette assured her, although stung that Tina would have to resort to that for her love or attention.
"And I don’t want to use Angelica as currency." Tina said gently.
Bette sighed. "With her I always feel like I should try harder. Be better. She loves you more than she loves me."
"She just knows me better."
Bette shook her head. "When you two are in a room? It’s like nothing exists, nobody else matters but each other."
"The way it feels when I’m in a room with the two of you?" Tina asked wryly. "Honestly? I envy the two of you. When you’re together, nobody asks if she’s adopted. She’s your daughter. No questions."
"She’s your daughter, too."
Tina smiled weakly. "Not to the rest of the world."
"You’re her mother," Bette said softly. "She knows it, you know it. That’s what matters."
Tina looked at her for a moment, then broke down crying. "I’m a horrible mother."
Bette, startled, immediately pulled Tina into her arms. "T, it’s okay. You’re not a bad mother."
"Yes, I am."
"Tina."
Tina pulled back, looking into Bette’s eyes. "I have to tell you something. The reason why I’m here, why you’re here, and why I suddenly gave up the heterosexual fantasy."
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Always amazing to see Tina DEAL with something. Could this be reason to hope?
Love the way you are writing this story. Confronting the demons of the past to move forward. Thanks for this story.
I bow down to your glorious writing, TD. Today, I read this article about Uma Thurman and here’s what she said about love and relationships. It gave me hope for our gals. Yeah, I know they are fictional. Uma said,”You need to want to be forgiving. If you love the person then you’ll forgive the unforgivable.” It can be both good and bad but in B & T’s case, I wish to believe it is good. Now, I am going to reread this chapter.
Uma Thurman is being quoted a lot. If only IC would see it the way. thanks
I sense that the next chapter will have the end of this conversation as it ended somewhat abruptly. I wonder if that Uma Thurman quote can go along with: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.” Still trying to figure out what the writer of “Love Story” was smoking when that line was born as I don’t get it at all.
Will you just kidnap Bette, Tina and Angelica and never return them to you know who. You have taken a very difficult time in B&T’s life and helped them look into their reasons for fucking everything up. All these reasons that both B&T have stated are so true to their character. What is nice about this story is that they are actually communicating and showing each other that they do love one another and want desperately to have the family that they once dreamed about. No matter how much what they are saying is hurting the other at least now all that pain has been put on the table per se. Keep bringing us this love stroy.
amazing writting as usual, i love how B&T continue figthing for each other and to keep their relationship! this is a good way to fix things: Talking!
i love youe explanations of tina’s behavior because it was never explained on the show…the hope is there, especially because word LOVE was mentioned so often..i love the way you deal with this mess…just perfect, thank you
Wonderful chapter – I especially love how Tina had one intention but the old patterns just well up and rule the day sometimes – I love how you kept them working at it with both of them showing their true willingness to get through these tough topics. Very well written and so powerfully honest about how couples do their dance. Regarding Tina coming clean on not standing up as Angelica’s mother – this is important this couple needs to deal with this for Angelica’s sake and I think Tina needs Bette;s help to understand her feelings and reactions. Makes me wonder if Bette’s mother also thought she couldn’t be there for her biracial child. Obviously how you wrote this got me thinking and that speaks to the elegance and thoughtfulness of your storytelling abilities. Thanks so much.
well gosh. you didn’t have to put it in bold. and i DID put the ‘now’ on the end. i swear i did. snarky snarky. *grin* p.s. great update. *generic but apt compliment*
Wow this is amazing and hope this is help them to work thing out. Ok post soon please, thanks!
Thanks for another wonderfully insightful chapter! “There’s something about that time, the events… It wasn’t all you, B. You weren’t the only one who fucked up. I get that now.” So glad that they could communicate openly without anyone becoming defensive again! And I’m hoping that this is the foundation that they are re-laying to begin their journey anew!
love how they are talking, fighting and just plain working it out.
love the Snow Patrol song. i remember thinking of B&T when listening to it. thanks tiff, for giving a voice to Tina in your stories. and also for making these two talk. another great update :)
If they broke up (god forbidden), it’s harder for Bette to move on. But once did, Bette would live much more happier than Tina.
i love this story…this is one of the stories i have to look for on a daily basis to see if it is updated….so please update soon!
Excellent writing as always.
Thank you Tiff for another wonderful update – now are they going to walk along the beach and chase away the ghosts of decisions past made there – make new memories. memorable memories?
Love the way they are talking things through, look forward kissing and making up
I can’t wait to see them happy again with Angelica having forgetting this chaotic time of their lives and moving forward to a smooth loving future…
Tiff, great chapter, as usual. I liked how Tina was able to explain that she was trying to apologize, then up came the defenses and ruined everything. Hopefully, they learned something from this!
Gosh, I am glad to read that someone else saw how “AWFUL” it was that Tina did correct the couple when they assumed that “A” was adopted. I was watching that ep the other day. That’s why I was rooting for Bette for soul custody.
Thanks Tiff!
Forward this story to IC maybe she can use it to redeem Tina and put them together again. I don’t think she can or will do it on her own
Having a mother who denies you, that’s what is ‘a lot to put on one child’. Tina is fulfilling her own prediction from S1. Thank goodness Angelica was too young to understand the situation. Bette’s decision to go for sole custody was based on her intuition. I remember that Bette caught flack on almost all of the boards for worrying about Tina wanting men in S1. Seems she was very perceptive about Tina, all the way around. Vitriol, thy name is TG! Goodnight!
When you are the ‘mainstream’ person in an interracial relationship there’s always the option to hang back and say nothing when the slurs come along. I judge my friends on their willingness to speak truth in those situations. Based on what went down at that restaurant, Tina couldn’t be my friend. …There, I said it. …Bette should think about this. This is the second time Tina has done the crawdad backstep on the race issue. Angelica deserves better. Well, at least she’s admitting what a coward she is. Admitting is the first step! Thanks for filling the gaps!
“Oprah be getting people to tell EVERYTHING. ” ….Except for GAYYYle! …O don’t tell her own bizness, does she?
Bette had a good point Tina can’t keep bringing up the affair whenever they have an argument. I mean tina was with Helena and rubbed Bette’s face in that, and I do believe Helena got Bette fired from her job. Tina online with Daddy whoever then she tried to get with Josh then she got with Henry in their bedroom, then she took Angelica away. Tina got a whole freakin laundry list of wrongs, but Bette isn’t constantly bringing those up she needs to take a lesson from Bette. I saw Uma on Oprah awhile back and she was hurting I hope she finds happiness…she sounds like she was the wronged party. Oprah be getting people to tell EVERYTHING.
TD, ANother wonderful and charming piece of emotive writing. Amazing how the simple act of holding someone and refusing to let them go can provide such strength and protection. Bette’s humble hug allowed Tina to reveal the deepest and darkest secret in her heart: the denial of her daughter to strangers. This was a truly heartfelt moment as these two individuals melded into one soul. It showed how important communication in a safe and supportive envoronment is. This also gives all of us hope that Bette and Tina can put the past behind them and move on together and unite again. Please post more soon as this was a real delight. Thank you for this marvelous words and magical story telling. Your Loyal Fan.
You’re a brilliant writer. You’re the only writer here I’ve read all ff for. You’re probably even published.
I think perhaps the part you write about Tina feeling bad about people saying Angie is adopted when actually she “is Angies mom” implies that Bette is not actually Angies mom because Better adopted here. Very slippery.
Anyway, like I said you’re a great writer and I wish you could write post S2 of GenQ :)
Ahhh I’m so happy there are so many chapters to this fic so grateful for you