It was too early to take a bus and she didn’t have the money for a cab. She needed the fresh air to fill her lungs and clear her head, so she decided to just walk home. If she had been able to run all those months ago, she could walk now. She bitterly smiled at the irony of it: running towards her, but hesitantly walking away. It took a longer time.

After a while, she finally reached Kit’s condo. She still had a key and opened the door silently. She tried not to make any sound until she knew whether Kit was home or not. She didn’t feel like making up an excuse about why she came home at this ungodly hour in about five milliseconds.

Everything appeared to be silent, so Bette went to check Kit’s bedroom. She sighed in relief when her sister’s bedroom was empty, as well as the bathroom. She went back to the living room and headed straight for the depository, where she got out the bottles of beer she knew Kit hid. Her older sister thought Bette shouldn’t drink just yet and she also thought that Bette didn’t know where the alcohol was stacked.

Four empty bottles of beer later, her cellphone rang. Checking the caller ID, she saw it was Ms Kennard and was torn between picking up or just ignoring it. How would she explain this over the phone? She wouldn’t find the words and probably end up saying things she’d regret later. Would she even be able to speak when she heard that angelic voice?

Maybe it was better to mail her, because seeing her was definitely no option.

As she was typing the mail, she got another five calls and six text messages, asking where she was and why she didn’t answer. Surely, she felt bad for worrying ms Kennard, but as soon as she’d read the mail she’d understand. Hopefully.

From: Elizabeth Porter
To: Christina Kennard
Subject: Explanation

Hello,

I am really sorry for worrying you with my sudden departure, but as I woke up this morning I realised it was the only right thing for me to do. Don’t get me wrong; the past few weeks have been wonderful and I’ve never been as happy in my life, but the time has come to honest and move on while I can, if I can.

The thing is, I know that what we were having is something I do not deserve. You deserve better than me, I can’t make you happy. You can have anyone you want, so why pick me? The difference between us is just too big, you are way out of my league, you are too good for me. I can’t do this to you, it’s not fair. I can’t waste any more of your time, time you should be spending with someone who is able to make you happy.

I have nothing to offer you. I have no job, no money, no experience, nothing to make you happy. This feels like such a surreal dream to me, I don’t know what I’ve been thinking. The brutality of my deeds make me shiver, who did I think I was to kiss you? 

I hope you can understand that we need to live our own lives because the way things are now is not right. It feels right, but it can’t be. I don’t want to make you upset or hurt you and knowing me, that’s just what I’ll do.

Sincerely,

Bette Porter.

By the time Bette had finished the mail, tears were streaming down her face silently. She saw the cursor floating over the ‘Send’ button and finally, did it. She ruined her dream with one click, ruined her life and everything she had longed for and hoped for with just one click.