When Bette returned from New York she called Emma Rothman for the dinner date they’d promised and for the next few weeks saw each other frequently. They met a few times for coffee or a meal and talked for hours on the phone getting reacquainted. Bette was very attracted to Emma and knew the feeling was mutual but when she tried to move the relationship to the next level she was surprised that Emma wanted to wait. They talked about it one evening as they were lounging by the pool in the back yard of Bette’s West Hollywood home.

“Bette don’t take my not wanting to date you at this point in our relationship as a rejection. I care very deeply for you but I’m in a place in my life where I’m looking for the real deal.”

“You think I’m on the rebound?” To Bette’s way of thinking that could be the only reason Emma would not consider them dating seriously as ‘the real deal’.

“Not necessarily but I don’t think you’ve fully completed the healing process. From what you’ve told me, Tina was the love of your life. Whether you care to admit it or not she still holds a piece of your heart. It’s a piece that you will hold back from sharing with anyone else until you take the time to process what happened between you. You may not see it now but that healing is necessary. It will make you a better person for the new love in your life whether that is me or someone else. Can you honestly say that at this stage you’d be able to avoid similar mistakes in a new relationship that caused the break-up with Tina?”

“We’re different people …” Bette started to protest, but Emma stopped her and continued.

“I know we’re different, and I know that the first thing to come to mind is that Tina is responsible for the break-up, but if you’re honest with yourself you will realize that you had a hand in the demise of your marriage as well. The sooner you come to terms with that and take responsibility for your role the better. Otherwise you will not be able to avoid the pitfalls or recognize the red flags. Until you give yourself time to understand what happened and what went wrong you’ll find yourself repeating the same patterns with another partner. You need to look at the Bette and Tina relationship rationally; not in anger, passion or frustration. As a therapist I would suggest staying away from any serious dating situations even with me until you can do that.”