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Chapter 7
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After the unsuccessful sexual encounter with Josh Becker Tina took some time to reflect on how she’d gotten where she was. As close as they had become she and Henry never flirted or made any sexual overtures like she had with Josh or Jean Paul. Tina didn’t know exactly when she started looking at her male friends differently but it was probably most notable after they found out that Sean’s sperm wasn’t viable. She found herself casually flirting with men in general to get a reaction and to see how they reacted to her. Then one night she found herself in a sordid chat room and that’s where she met Daddyof2. They masturbated together while exchanging explicit sexual messages. She got off on it but after it was over she felt ashamed and embarrassed. Even though she only did it that one time she couldn’t get it out of her head as to what it would be like to be with a man again. She thought back on the six months of trying to get pregnant by insemination and how uncomplicated it would be if she just had a male partner to have sex with. It was soon after that the Jean Paul thing happened and Bette’s reaction brought her back to the reality that in her current circumstance that was not an option.
Tina thought about her reaction to Marcus Allenwood. She knew in her heart that it had nothing to do with him being Black. She didn’t discriminate. She loved Bette and Kit’s African American heritage and although they didn’t have a lot of traditions that they followed they did sometimes bring a different perspective to her life. The shock of Marcus being Black was real, but it was the possibility that this man was a viable donor that caused her reaction. By the time Bette introduced Marcus Tina was already drifting away and thinking that starting a family in a lesbian relationship wasn’t what she wanted anymore.
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After the aborted effort with Josh she gravitated to Henry. With Henry it would be different. He was a friend and someone she really cared about and trusted. She’d been open about her feelings and he understood that she was struggling. She needed to prove something to herself, and in her mind the only way she could do it with any certainty was to have sex with a man. She knew she wouldn’t have trouble finding a man that was willing but few as scrupulous as Henry.
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Tina heart is breaking in Bette, band and all … please readers have to switch to a better future with tibette, more love! Less suffering ..your stories are too sad, do better
pikiangelica. Thank you for reading and commenting. I know my story is very painful, and sad. They are both suffering. I wish I could change the future and make it better but they both need to want it, and as you can see neither is willing to put in the work or to fight for the relationship. They have given up, so all I can do is help them to find happiness elsewhere.
Hi Bat, I read your notes, this story though very well written; it is still very painful, you are right, they can’t go back together after all this mess. Evidently Tina has doubts about her sexuality, and that happened since her pregnancy problems, when some guy suggested that she have to conceive in a heterosexual way. As Tina couldn’t get her answers with one night-stand with Josh because it didn’t materialize, now she would try a more serious relationship with a guy and see if that gives her a response to her doubts; if she is not totally clear about her sexuality she can’t go back to women; she has to compare and decide where she belongs. Bette, as well, can’t wait forever, she has to move on; and Kit is right, Tina can’t go everywhere breaking hearts. It would be interesting to examine what is behind of the psychological and sociological Tina’s and Bette’s behaviors in all these chapters; personally, I think someone has a guilt complex. Thanks for this very nice and painful chapter, I want to see where are you taking us and I want to understand the “whys” and “hows” in this relationship of my favorite couple, I’ll wait eagerly for a new update
proteonomics, I’m glad you are sticking with the story as I really enjoy reading your comments and insights. I wrote this story about six years ago and haven’t read it since so each chapter is new to me as i’m re-posting. I don’t recall how much analysis is revealed about their relationship but in any case it’s all just made up stuff from my perspective as I don’t have any type of psychological or sociological knowledge, studies, or background. I just felt that this is a very dysfunctional relationship and there is just so much pain and suffering that one can endure before they have to say enough and walk away. Bette gave Tina an ultimatum and I don’t think that was the way to handle Tina’s revelation about her feelings for men. I think I do address that in one of their conversations later in the story. The way this story is written much of the burden of the relationship going bad is on Tina but Bette is not blameless. I wanted to write this story because I felt that on the LWord show Bette’s affair overshadowed all the cruelty, pain, hurt and suffering that Tina inflicted in Season2/3 and yes, guilt definitely was a driving factor. Tina used Bette’s guilt as a weapon to punish Bette, and she used Bette’s love for Angie as the means to control her. Bette was broken by her own guilt and I think it was why she allowed the treatment she got from Tina, Helena, and Jodi. It was so sad to watch Season 1 alpha Bette transformed into such a submissive role. Personally I don’t think Bette would have returned to Tina after the affair had it not been for Angelica. I also don’t think that having the baby was the impetus for Tina’s ‘feelings for men’. That is my main reason for not including the affair or the pregnancy in the story line. Neither of those situations were the cause of the break-up they were symptoms of an already deteriorating relationship. I don’t know if this story will answer any of your questions, but it will definitely give you a different perspective. Thanks again for your interest and for taking the time to comment.
Bat, I share your point of view about Tina’s betrayal on the TV show; but what I really mean here is the guilt feeling of Tina, who couldn’t get pregnant, the remorse for her previous abortions, when she talked to Alice; Tina is hiding things from Bette, and Bette knows it; Tina’s “family” is not other than Bette’s circle where the blonde will always be an outcast if she breaks Bette’s heart; the guilt feeling of Tina for not fulfil what her partner wants and needs, what the others expect from her; the guilt feeling for not accomplish her role as a lesbian partner. I don’t have either psychological or sociological training (I’m at the other side of the spectrum), but people learn most the things from their childhood, and if they come from a very conservative family, and if they broke with the traditions or beliefs or the standards of their families, and they move on, they usually become strong persons (few other may remain with a guilty feeling), some may even be shy, but I believe, they will not be submissive, they won’t be subjects of manipulations nor let other people to rule over them; of course, there may be, many behavioral variations. Well, I will keep reading your story, to me it is extremely good though very painful and you left so many clues in your narrative that I can’t leave them aside, sorry for my long comments and have been bugging you, and please keep posting every evening (I mean, every day). Thank you for your explanation.
proteonomics, I can see definitely see where Tina would feel guilt for all the things you mention in this story. I love comments, and I love when readers are open to different perspectives and points of view. No need to apologize for long comments, the more the better. Thank you once again for giving the story a chance. I will post the next chapter shortly.
It’s always good to see Kit do some frank talking Tina as well as Bette should take some lessons from her. It seems it’s going to get worse and harder to believe that Bette and Tina will be able to find their way back to each other – but if that is what this story is about – than I am sure you have found a reasonable way to write this. If they are going their separate ways it’s ok with me too. It’s really nice to get these regular updates, looking forward to you next post.
as1219 – I think Kit’s wisdom should have been more prevalent in the show, but instead they made a caricature of her character. What a waste of talent; I try to make up for that in my stories. I think she is the only one that could say those things to Tina, with love but also so she understands the impact of her actions. She can also call Bette out on her sh*t. I’ve written stories like this where I have brought Bette and Tina back from despair to repair but it took a lot of work. This story is not focused on their reconciliation as lovers but I can’t discount their inherent connection..