Lara shook her head as if to clear the grim thoughts and moved into her bedroom to pull out some running clothes. Her thoughts flowed from Dana to Alice.

Alice had become a necessary crutch the first difficult months after the loss of Dana. Dear Alice who was quirky, cute, smart, funny and sexy all at once, yet none of those qualities were what drew Lara to Alice’s apartment. They had fallen into a strange pattern of meeting late a couple of nights a week for a few hours of sex, then spending the rest of the evening alone. Lara wasn’t sure what Alice did with the few remaining hours of those nights, but increasingly Lara had found herself consumed with guilt afterwards. Thoughts of betrayal, lust and anger seemed to swirl together leaving Lara confused and empty. On the one hand, she was glad to be alive, and fucking Alice went a long way in making her feel alive. But on the other, she felt guilty at the pleasure she was beginning to enjoy in the company of the shaggy blonde—guilt at the pleasure and shamed that it was due to Alice of all people. They’d yet to really discuss their arrangement, and Lara was beginning to feel as though they never would. She’d tentatively tried to open the lines of communication with Alice only to find the door firmly closed on the subject of their relationship. It had been a week since they’d returned from Whistler, and neither woman had made an effort to contact the other.

As Lara slipped out of the apartment she could just begin to see the first dim rays of daybreak. This was her favorite time of day. The birds were most audible and there was a hint of hopefulness that seemed to come along with every dawn. She took a ragged breath as the tears that were always on the verge of spilling over welled in her eyes once again. Balling up her fists she angrily swiped her face. Logically, she knew she was suffering from depression, but she hated feeling so pathetic in the light of the gift of life and she was beginning to understand that her life was at a crossroads. She could either continue down the self-pitying path she was currently on or she could begin to pick up the pieces and rebuild her life. She knew she didn’t want to remain shattered, but she just wasn’t quite sure how to begin the reconstruction.

She settled into the rhythm of the run and her mind began to quiet as she concentrated on her breathing and pace. She felt most peaceful during these runs, and slowly her mind slipped back to Alice. She knew that there was something more than grief and the common bond they’d shared with Dana that was edging it’s way into her relationship with Alice. Maybe that was where she should start. Picking up her pace, Lara decided that today she would talk to Alice.