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Crossroads- Ch. 18
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Elisabeth reassured Lara. "It’s okay, you can get angry with me if you like."
Lara smiled tightly. "No, I really shouldn’t…but thanks." Sighing, she continued. "Mom suffered from depression. She was always going to different doctors….that’s why she had the sleeping pills. She was always either pruning in her garden or sitting on the roof of my dad’s workshop. Half the time she was in her nightgown. It was embarrassing….and most of my friends knew about it. I guess I just blamed her for almost everything that went wrong for me. Plus, it was so hard on my dad. He really tried, you know?"
"You got along with your father?"
"Oh, yeah. I was a huge tomboy. My older brothers were already gone, and my dad had really started letting me help him out in his shop. It was great."
"How did things change after your mom died?"
"How didn’t they change? Suddenly everything was different. I mean, Meg was so little, and my Dad was so busy. I just did the best I could to help them both out."
"Lara, why do you think your mom killed herself?"
Lara looked at her watch. Still twenty minutes left in the session. "Dr. Wheeler, really, can’t we talk about what’s going on today?"
Elisabeth sat back and regarded the woman in front of her. Lara had revealed a great deal, but she was sure there was more just at the surface. She shook her head when Lara glanced at her. She repeated her question.
Lara swallowed and tucked her right hand underneath her leg. She fidgeted for a moment. She’d never told anyone what had happened just before she left for school that morning. In a last ditch effort at avoiding the topic, she asked, "Does it matter why I think she did it?"
"I think it may."
Lara blew out in exasperation. "I think she killed herself because I told her I hated her and I wished she were dead! Okay? There. I think if I hadn’t been such a shitty daughter she would still be alive!!" Tears were pooling in Lara’s blue eyes as she glared at the counselor. With raw emotion she continued. "Meg and Dad had already left the house that morning. I was getting ready for the bus. Mom came in and started harping on my clothes choice for the day. We argued. I screamed at her and then ran out of the house. She just stood there and took it." Lara gasped, as the tears streamed down her face and onto her shirtfront. In a ragged whisper she repeated, "She just stood there. She looked so sad, and I remember being glad." With a shuddering sigh, Lara swiped at her face. "I was glad I’d hurt her. And then she killed herself. If Dad and Meg ever found out they would have hated me forever." Lara reached for a Kleenex. She blew her nose and sat there trying to compose herself. Her breathing was punctuated with hiccups at sporadic intervals.
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Oh, Lara. I’m glad she’s got a doc like Wheeler, cos Lara’s been due that hug for ages, by the sound of it. I hope Lara’s still not too raw from the session so that she’s able to talk Alice. Another good un’, Goldrun. Keep them coming, please.
Loving the story. Great chapter. Can’t wait of the next post.
Wow. wow. wow. Did I mention…wow? I need to read this one again to let it sink in. I can imagine your assertion that this chappy would have been indeed hard to grapple with and write. But what a touching job you have done. Dayum! I second jp22’a call on Lara needing that hug, big-time. Sigh. Meg is such a great vehicle for bringing out the Lara/Alice connection, too. I totally heart the line about Alice loving Lara but not having spoken the words yet. I’m an oldest sister so I know that awesomely-loving-even-though-it-can-annoy dynamic that can only exist among sisters. I’ll admit it, I’m sick this week with a sinus infection and have been crapily unproductive with work issues so far this week, so your updates are little sparks of happy. But really, no pressure, LOL! I cannot WAIT to read more about Lara and Alice’s quiet night in and, in general, see how Lara moves forward with externalizing the stuff she’s got stirring her up. Sheyaaat, she needs someone to be her rock for once [errr…Miss “A”, phone call, line 1!]. From my readership point of view, and this cannot simply be because I’m a big Lace advocate, but rather via how you are crafting these characters, the tenderness between these two is always underlying, always respectul, never simple…all without being sappy or unbelievable. Superb! And shucks, you are too kind, between your and Bluemini’s work I may just get inspired to get on board and write -some- day…you guys rock and it’s amazing how addicting all this is, huh? I’m glad we can exchange reading and writing and writing about the reading. And lastly…POST AGAIN like…NOW;) hehehe….
what poor lara has had to go thought just to get where she is now is not fair but by talking about it she will feel her pain lesson a little bit each day but she will never forget what has happen in the past and she will never stop loving the poeple that she has lost along the way can’t wait to see what will happen next please post soon I love it great update
wow, intense chapter…really loving the story! post more soon!
Sorry I havent commented in a while, I really suck at that, but I just caught up on the last few chapters. I do have to say that this is one of my favorite stories at the moment, and it just continues to get better. I loved Meg’s character, and she fit right in. I hope that the talk between Alice and Lara go well, and that Lara really begins to start dealing with her inner demons. I want a healthy Lara, and a very happy Alice and Lara relationship! Ha ha. Great job! Post again soon please! :-)
Wow – three updates in as many days… a girl could get used to this, Gold! :) Like Min, I had to read this one over again before posting – really, really powerful stuff! I can completely understand how it would have been a difficult one to write, but you did a fantastic job, as usual. As sad as Lara’s family history is, I’m so glad that you’re exploring it – it just gives an incredible amount of depth to her character which, as you say, has been lacking on the show. I can so see Lara being forced to grow up early and take care of everyone around her, while neglecting her own healing. All of that stuff inevitably came back to haunt her in her relationship with Dana when she was ill, and now again in her relationship with Alice. It all makes so much sense… which is just another tribute to your writing skills! Also, I love how the combination of Lara’s therapy and Meg’s presence in this story is really bringing everything to the fore in a believable way. Poor Lara – I feel so bad for her! But yay for a quiet night in with Alice in the next chapter; I suspect that is exactly what she needs! Thanks for another great update – as for mine, you’ve definitely motivated me to work faster on it, though it might be another day or two before anything is posted. In the meantime, I’m looking forward to your next update!
That’s a lot of really powerful backstory…and it all works. Well done and really finely crafted. Lots of depth and layers. with more in every chapter. Way to go! What would it mean if I said to post soon…like two chapters a day? Ohh, that’d be good!
I just caught up with this story. Loved all of the updates, they were magnificient! Meg is cool and adorable. I like her dynamics with Alice. And the fact she was like a buffer between Lara and Alice (filling in the blanks). I must admit…when I read Max’ name I was really wondering who that person was…somehow deleted him from my hard disk. ;) Luckily Meg and Max aren’t going to date… Poor Lara, having to carry this feeling of guilt around for ages. Elisabeth is right…Lara isn’t to blame. But how could you know when you’re 13? I think this last session is a turning point for Lara. I hope she will be able to face her demons and will be able to fight them. And I love Alice for just being Alice, loving, caring, understanding and patient. Lara will probably still be drained when Alice comes over. But I hope she will open up to Alice once she’s ready. They are so cute together and I really want them to have a chance be together as a couple. Btw, loved alice’s screenname…Chart Chick. Don’t know why but it just sounds like Alice.
Wow just read this whole story from the beginning. Brilliant! I’m a Danish fan at heart but have always liked Lara, both in fiction and on screen. Keep it up, oh and Meg is a great creation :)
habe gerade gesehen, dass ich den gar nicht gepostet hatte…wow! the background that you’ve created for lara fits perfectly to her character!!i hope she can find a way with her psychologist to get rid of that guilty feeling.only then can she really deal with alice. i would have ssssooooooo much loved to see them in a long-term relationship .. ……(although i admit, that i’m very harmony-seeking)the more you write about meg , the more i like her! i hope she stays a while longer , then expediates her return , should she fly out altogether.such a great sister(as well as friend)is just what lara needs to come to terms with the situation.surely alice is helping her a lot, but she has a lot to clear up with meg.my weekend was very nice, in bremen there is a very nice friend of mine.when i’m there i feel almost at home.i’m madly looking forward to your next update,NAREN.ps: bin dabei den naechsten zu uebersetzen…