“Don’t tell me … they were having sex?”

“Well they were finished by the time we got there but it was the night they did the insemination the first time Tina got pregnant.”

“You guys interrupted an insemination?”

“Pretty much … I was never so embarrassed in my life and it didn’t help that Alice squirted some of the sperm on me.”

“Oh God now you have to tell me the story. How the hell did that happen?”

”Shane, Alice and I arrive at Bette and Tina’s unannounced and Bette answers the door in her robe.”

Shane: Hi were you sleeping?

Bette: Not exactly.

Alice: We tried to call but no one answered.

Bette: So the next logical thing to do was just to come over?

Alice: No, it’s an emergency … you know it started as a gaydar thing. Shane and I are totally capable of handling that but this one has major relationship stuff.

Shane: Yeah I think at this point she needs expert advice.

“Shane and Alice walk into the house past Bette without even being invited in. I stay outside on the front porch. I was so embarrassed. Bette just stood there looking at me with these puppy dog eyes.”

Dana: I’m so embarrassed … I’m soooo sorry.

Bette: It’s OK Dana. We were finished.

Dana: Oh my God

“Bette obviously felt sorry for me so she drags me into the house and we follow her to their bedroom. Tina is lying naked on the bed with just a sheet covering her. She’s on her back with her legs up against the headboard. They said the position would help the sperm make its journey or something. Anyway as soon as Alice walks into the room she zones in on the syringe they’d left on the nightstand and she picks it up.”

Alice: What is this?

Tina: Marcus Allenwood

“Alice being Alice, she promptly squirts me with the remains of Marcus’ sperm and it gets on my sweater and into my hair. I just freaked. I couldn’t believe she’d done that. It wasn’t on purpose but still, it was gross. I was frantic to get it off me.”

Dana: Oh God!

Alice: OK OK alright … that is disgusting