I knew I had to be truthful, there had been enough lying to last a lifetime “We set a date”

“Oh. Right” Tina looked away from me, staring at the foot of her bed “When is it?”

“Second weekend of June”

“And you got scared?” she finally made eye contact and all I could do was nod in agreement “so you came here for what? Have one last fuck? The last hooray? I know I’m good but seriously…”

“Tina” I reached for her hand

“Fuck off” she pulled herself further away from me

“Please”

“What do you what from me Bette? To tell you it’s OK to marry her? Fine.. Marry her. Live happily”

That was her defence mechanism. Sarcasm. I knew not to push, she was angry enough as it was. Even in the start of our friendship we had a love/hate relationship. From the first meeting I thought how could someone so sexy be such an asshole and I could blame Carly for pushing us to become friends because she wanted the ‘two most important people in her life to if anything respect each other’ but I made that first move.

We sat there not talking for what felt like forever and looking across at her I saw tears escape her eyes. I had caused those tears “Please don’t cry”

She chuckled callously, wiping away the tears “You know I thought that you coming here tonight mean you loved me but obviously I was way  off”

“I thought you said we couldn’t—“

“I lied, OK? You lied… why can’t I? Of course I was hopeful, why else would have I invited you in?”

“I didn’t plan on coming here and being with you, like this or for it to come off as me using you. You know I am not that type of person, especially when it comes to you but seeing you.. I couldn’t help myself. I thought if I could look at you and not feel this way I could move on”

“I don’t want to feel this way either, Bette. Always wondering what you are doing. If you still thought of me, if Carly would ever be able to forgive me”

“I told her to blame me. I told her it was all my fault”

“It was easier to blame me. I understood, she loves you unconditionally”