She was eating pieces of fruit she had cut up as a snack while waiting for me to come home for the spa. Popping them into her mouth one at a time then licking her fingers after each one, she didnt look up from the paper and she didnt notice me leaning against the doorway, just watching her.
My body began to warm and I feared it was the reaction to the lies I was about to tell, or maybe I feared that it was the heat of my desire for the only person in the world I want to meet, to cyber ***** with, to dream about, to chat with about all things L. I thought about the all the people who have been invading my brain lately, all the people to whom I was so addicted, but when I looked at K at that moment, I couldnt remember the names of any of those people, couldnt remember why I was so attracted to them in the first place.

I was overwhelmed with remorse and guilt at ever having those feelings, of not being able to trust K with them and tell her all about them. And I thought, right then, right there, if I as going to be saved, once again it would be K doing the saving.

I took a step toward the table and a deep breath along the way. K, still not looking up from her paper, simply said, Hi babe, how was the spa?

And at the sound of her voice, the only voice I ever want to hear when I feel less than perfect, I couldnt help myself and I spoke without thinking and without stopping, K never once looking up from the paper . . .

K, . . . . . . . K . . . . . .Ive been having cyber ***** with a stranger and writing to Fan Fic authors arranging to meet them behind your back and I dont know why I am doing it and I dont want to ever hurt you and I dont know what to do babe but I only knew I had to tell you because the nail girl, the hot nail girl I might add, didnt even know about the wizard and I couldnt believe that and it made me think about you and how you know about that and about so many things that I am a fool to think that anyone could give me more than you have or will and I am sorry babe but dont know what to do.. . . I just dont know what to do I dont know what is wrong with me or why I am doing this stuff and not even the good doctor seems to be able to help but I need you to know what a piece lying ***** I am what I have been doing..

I managed to take a breath and hold it waiting for that bowl of fruit to come flying my way when I saw her lower the paper and look me in the eye.

And as she spoke those words I burned, I crashed to the floor and my body burned . . .

I know babe, Ive known for weeks. Im just wondering why it took you so long to tell me . . .

T B C