After looking at my watch for the third time in less than a minute, it suddenly occurred to me that I had no idea what the ***** I was doing ! SHE knew SHE was THE ONE because I had told her oh so many months ago. SHE had told her readers she was suffering from the dreaded writers block, so I wrote her to cheer her up and get her back on track. We had exchange pleasantries off and on during that time, but I had kept my addiction to her stories well-hidden – SHE just knew I was a fan.

When I had calculatingly and casually mentioned to her about my trip to the Keys, knowing full well that SHE would be there at that time, SHE jumped at the chance for us to meet . I took the initiative and told HER when and where, even describing my looks and what I would be wearing. But I LIED, of course, because that is what addicts do!! I certainly didnt want to go into this meeting unprepared. Yet I was just beginning to realize that SHE had not described herself to me! What a moron I am ! So I will have to be on the look out for a woman (I think!) who appears to be searching for woman dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and Docker shorts (OF COURSE I WOULD BE . . . HOW ELSE WOULD A BEACHNUT BE DRESSED??)

But I wasnt dressed like that at all. No, I was wearing baggy athletic shorts and a Sponge Bob tank top, sandals with matching Sponge Bob ankle socks, a floppy wide brimmed sun hat and bigass round sunglasses. Quite the disguise I must admit. I was plied with sunblock and drinking a diet Dew; and when my cell phone went off with that unmistakable sound of a text message, I nearly poked my eye out as I was adjusting those sun shades!

(***** !! *****!!! THAT HURT, JESUS ***** BETTE I CANT BELIEVE I JUST DID THAT !!)

My eye began to water uncontrollably and the supposedly non-stinging sunblock mixed with my drops of sweat added to the irritation – irritation of both my eye and my patience as I was growing worried about HER not being on time.