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Diary of a Mad Addict . . . Chapter 26
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In the letter to K I had detailed my thoughts about our life together, the love we shared and made, the *****-in-public- places goal we were striving to achieve, just everything about her that I adored and wanted to thank her for. And just before I was about to send that letter via e-mail, I was rudely distracted and suddenly developing an anxiety attack as I heard my phone vibrate on the nightstand beside our bed and watched in horror as a half sleeping K reached blindly to answer it. Fearing it was my ***** messaging partner, I hurriedly turned to the computer and hastily sent the e-mail as I wanted to grab the phone before my wife awoke and read the message.
As I swiveled around in the computer chair to get up and go for the phone, my good eye (the one not damaged during that dream I had when I accidentally smacked K around) caught the light on the computer right before it dimmed and I saw those paralyzing wordsYOUR MESSAGE HAS BEEN SUCCESSFULLY SENT TO Ks MOTHER.
(MOTHER ***** ME NOW AND ***** ME HARD SO I WILL DIE A HAPPPY GIRL). I reached for the mouse so I could somehow retrieve that message when I heard the phone again. I quickly turned back to the bed, then back to the computer, then back to the bed, then I just gave up knowing I was a dead woman, a goner, doomed to die a slow and well deserved horrible death.
I gave up and passed out and the next thing I remember was an icepack on my forehead and the smell of something quite retched and repulsive. Slowly I opened the one working eye and saw my border collie Elvis panting just inches from my face, one paw holding down the ice pack the other on my wrist as if he were taking my pulse. He was still wearing that ridiculous eye patch I had put on him a few hours earlier and it somehow made him look more a doctor than a pirate. He is an ***** moron.
That horrible smell which was beginning to make me nauseous was actually his breath, and I brushed him aside and struggled to sit up, now holding the ice pack myself.
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My goodness…an advertisement when leaving comments now? Anywho, back to YOU..You sick, sick woman….oh how I loved this tale. ” I simply couldn’t resist detailing a concern I had. I grabbed my government issued black ink pen from my breast pocket and wrote a comment.” LOL!! ” Unbeknownst to me this man was nuttier than a Snickers bar and gayer than a rainbow colored feather boa on a stiletto-heeled drag queen.” See, now I know plenty of straights who enjoy a good rainbow boa every now and then. HA, no I dont! Bravo, ya nut. I need some scotch!
Beach, you really surpassed yourself with this story, I laughed from beginning till end. Just the imagination of you…
I’m looking forward to the complete check up you get done by the hot hot dr. Gabs LMAO
It has been almost a month since your last post. Don’t leave us hanging. There are addicts like you out there who need our fix and can relate. We are a mess, our lives are Lconsumed and your postings make us smile and feel a sense of normality. Don’t listen to the Dr. Addiction, screw the job, K will understand, just write more often.
God Beach…or should that be Bette Beach…you have one strange and twisted mind!! I love every corner of it!!!
LOL @ “That bitch is fuckin hot when she is sleeping around” – ain’t that the truth!!
Beach, it looks like you sure are going to have some serious issues – better pull that pillow down a little tighter yourself, before K does…that might make it a little less painful…
A wonderful start to the day. I love me some Beach humor.
LMAO! That was just what I needed this morning…and I thought I had issues;)…
I second that motion stella. More, Beach, more!!