And of course, like all things in my life these past two years, my thoughts drifted to THE SHOW. How could that little street ***** SHANE, who by the way is my fave, sorry no BnT hot drama for me, although I certainly would let either of them eat crackers in my bed at any time, ANY TIME, not have some kind of sexual disease. And if she did, good Bette above, the entire berg of West Hollywood would have to be tested and sexual encounters would be few and way far between.

(*****, *****, DOUBLE ***** . . . )

I knew in my heart and soul that K was not unfaithful, not even remotely wavering. But I just had a feeling that something was not right in our relationship for several weeks. Not being able to put my finger on the problem, I simply unleashed my imagination and now suffer from the endless and relentless conspiracy theories which abound in my brain.

I continued scouring my mouth for signs of cold sores or fever blisters as I recalled my check up with the good doctor. After giving a free flow pee sample, I sat naked from the waist down on the edge of a paper covered leather examining table donning one of those bizarre open-in-the-back hospital gowns. I wondered to myself just how many other knuckleheads had worn that particular gown and just how affective the disinfectant soap was in the ERs laundry room. If I didnt have herpes now, I surely would get it from that gown.

Good news, Beach, I remember her telling me. Nothing to worry about there girlie, just a little urinary tract infection probably caused by your swimming in the Gulf. With that Red Tide in the area and all the bacteria spawning everywhere, this type of infection is very common.

Youre sure thats all it is, I asked her quite skeptically. (MOTHER ***** ME, SAY IT AINT SO GABS, SAY IT AINT SO. NOT THAT I WANT HERPES, BUT I CANT BELIEVE THAT IT IS MERELY A URINE INFECTION. DAMN)

She looked at me as if I were some kind of moron to doubt her medical expertise, a look that I was quite accustomed to. Amused, she responded. Well, I am sorry to tell you that it isnt any more serious than a simple infection. I can see you were hoping for something a little more deadly.