Bette kept coming determined to close the distance between them.  She kept lashing out. Somehow they fell onto their bed. Bette was on top of her and it made her crazy.  She kept telling her that she loved her.  No. She screamed inside her head and out loud.  No. She began screaming at some point “Fuck you” over and over again.

           Bette began to touch her intimately as she kept claiming that she loved her. Bette ripped her dress in her frantic need to touch her to reclaim her.  Tina understood that on the same wordless level they communicated best on.  She just as forcefully needed to resist that touch.  If Bette succeeding in touching her she would be lost as she always was in that touch.  Everything else would melt away and she would be consumed with the need that she always had with this woman.

          Their sex life had been off for months now.  Weeks went by where before days would find them desperate to be with one another.   They both were emotionally drained and struggling on levels they did not discuss.  When they did connect it was phenomenal.  Getting to the place where they could reconnect in that way was the difficult part.  She needed her so badly but not now.  She was sobbing. 

            Bette was straddling her and yelling at her to stop.  Somehow she found the strength to flip her over and she was on top. Her breasts free from the torn fabric of her dress, fuck you she continued to yell, her new mantra.  As she shook her lover, the haze of anger lifted subtlety, it became charged with desire. She looked at the wild dark tresses and the ebony eyes that sought hers, the panting woman beneath her arousing her as she had done countless times before with just such a look. The woman who betrayed her and gave herself to another woman’s touch.  She bit her then.  She wanted to mark her and make her feel some of the pain that was crushing her heart.

             Her cry of pain ignited the passion just under the surface that was always present between them.  She kissed her then. She had to have her.  She needed her inside her.  She whimpered with need and forced her hand to take her.  Oh God, it felt so good.  Bette’s fingers filled her throbbing core. She was open and raw with need. Bette penetrated her defenses and she could only quiver with the emotion. How could she give this to anyone else?  This was theirs alone.  Didn’t Bette know that? Defenseless she surrendered giving herself over to the woman that had shattered her heart. 

            If there was a watershed moment for Tina, that was it.  As she collapsed against her lover totally vulnerable she knew that it was over. 

What ravages of spirit

conjured this temtempteous rage

created you a monster

broken by the rules of love

and fate has led you through it

you do what you have to do

and fate has led you through it

you do what you have to do 

And I have the sense to recognize that

I don't know how to let you go

every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul

I'm ever swiftly moving

trying to escape this desire

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

the yearning to be near you

I do what I have to do

but I have the sense to recognize

That I don't know how

to let you go

I don't know how

to let you go

A glowing ember

burning hot

burning slow

deep within I'm shaken by the violence

of existing for only you

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you

I do what I have to do

and I have sense to recognize but

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

I don't know how to let you go

  Sarah McLachlan – Do What You Have to Do