I felt naked not just physically but emotionally I had nothing to hide nor could I. My thoughts cast adrift in a time and place even I was unable to comprehend. It felt like hours had past by finally she broke me from my thoughts.

"Do you wish last night had never happened?". Her voice was calm but I could feel the hurt behind them, the way her body moved as if to protect herself from me once more.

"Tina how could you think that? I… Just think maybe I jumped in at the deep end…."

Tina facial expressions told me I was not explaining myself very well.

"… I’m not doing a great job at explaining myself am I?"

"I don’t know maybe you’re, because I’ve realised something alot of what people say initially is what they true mean Bette." Her tone was not one of anger but I could see maybe I had hurt her feelings with how I had worded what I had just said. She had put everything on the line last night yet, today felt like it could either be the start of something new or in fact the end to what we once shared.

"Tina, listen to me ok. That is not what I meant it just somehow it come across like that. I know it took alot for you to say what you did to me last night, probably just as hard as it was for me to submit to every desire and fantasy I had about being taken in that way. I just fear that I can’t let myself drown in the deep end much longer, I need to put you and our child first. That comes before my deepest uttermost desire to have you with me, by my side. I need to be able to trust myself that I won’t let you down. Even I know next time I do I you wont stick around. We’ve come this far and I believe that as much as I love you and that my life is not the same without you in it. I can’t fool myself into thinking everything will be ok. We have so much to work through, well at least I know I have alot of personal issues to sort through."