I wasn’t sure I was making much sense. I wasn’t trying to push Tina away. But maybe there was something wrong with me to do the things I did. I grasped my knees tightly as the tears flowed silently. I could finally see all the burdens I had carried had caused me to act irrational and undeterred of consequences and feelings surrounding them.

Her creamy skin wrapped itself around mine in a way I never thought I could let happen. Her arms tangled around my stomach causing me to break contact with my knees. The smallest of kisses placed just below my neck.

"Bette, whatever this is that you feel the need to hide from me we need to address it. I know this is hard on you but believe me its hard for me too, I want this to work… You, me… Us. But I am also scared that for whatever reason that decision is out of hands, so for now I can only hope we support each other for this little one’s sake. I know you Bette, not better than you know yourself but enough to know that we have been avoiding this wall between us and no matter of we’re together or not, I would like to think we could talk. And I mean truly talk…"

I felt somewhat queasy at the prospect of becoming a mother, I suddenly felt overwhelmed at the idea. Only it wasn’t an idea and in less than 4 months it was going to be my reality. Tina was always stronger than me mentally, but I just let her believe she wasn’t. She knew things about me, that no one else did, not even my life long friend Shane. For I was never one to burden my problems on others, instead I would seal them not truly dealing with them and move on.

"…Bette this doesn’t have to be all or nothing. We can meet somewhere in the middle. I finally realise you aren’t the tough cookie you make yourself out to be. And that I’m not a damsel in distress that always needs saving like I thought. Things have changed tremendously since we broke up, I think my whole world has been turned upside down on more than a few occasions. I can’t promise you that I will be completely over what you did anytime soon. But I know my pain is dissolving, because I do…. Love you."

Her words comforted me to a point I could let my body ease out of the protective position I had been in. Regardless of how I hurt, I could feel the truth in Tina’s  words. She meant each and every word. Maybe it was time for a few changes… Time to start afresh.

Not necessarily a new me but a better me. I fall back into Tina’s embrace as she held me like a child, protecting me from my troubles and being strong for the both of us. As much as this moment felt odd to no end,  I couldn’t fault what my heart spoke. Words of only a love, Tina understood and would support me when I needed it the most. I just hadn’t realised how much support I had needed but had been to afraid to ask to make myself vulnerable enough to accept. But right now I was bare, and my heart was open for her to truly take.