Carmen’s teeth grazing my shoulder, her nails gently scraping my side, my stomach and all I want to do is to be inside of her. And she must be reading my mind because “inside” is the only word she keeps on repeating, softly, into my ear.

And I’m between her legs and touching her warmest place, the pulsing one, the place where I feel safe and whole and eternal and perfect. And I’m in and I push and I withdraw a little and then I push again, softly but steadily, gently but firmly, delicately but strongly, as she likes it, as I like it.

And she’s mine, I can feel it. She’s all over, inside, outside, around, everywhere. I don’t need to look, I don’t need to ear, I just need to feel. Hands feeling, heart feeling, mind feeling as she mirrors my actions and I have to clench my teeth tightly. She knows. Carmen knows how to touch me. And what I know is that I can’t live without her.

”I don’t want to call my friends
For they might wake me from this dream
And I can’t leave this bed
Risk forgetting all that’s been
Oh I am what I am
I do what I want
But I can’t hide
And I won’t go
I won’t sleep
I can’t breathe
Until you’re resting here with me”

“I had a dream last night”, she whispers when we can finally breathe normally. She is completely naked and her hair is wild and she’s beautiful. Her forehead against mine, the scent of her skin all over me and I’m inebriated.

“I know. You looked troubled in your sleep”, I answer quietly and she just caresses my cheek, smiling sadly.

“What were you dreaming?”, I ask her after a while and she just stares at me, frowning slightly.

“Samuel”, she answers simply, her voice cracking, and I can feel the blood running away from my face.

“Sa… Samuel?”, I stutter.

“Our son”, Carmen replies calmly, brushing my chin with her fingers.

“I know, I know… It’s just that…”.

“I didn’t remember his name…”, she says at my place and all I can do is nod my head.

“You didn’t…”.

“Until tonight”, she concludes, closing her eyes. I can see her eyelashes wet with tears and I hug her tightly.