“I see…”, I reply weekly.

“We never talked…”, she adds in a hurry, and when I turn my head to her, she blushes a little.

I raise my eyebrows and she chuckles nervously.

“I mean, you and I. We never really talked before. Not like this. You see me every time you come here, but at the same time you don’t see me…”.

She points at Sanders.

“…He is everything you see”.

“I am sorry”, I reply for no particular reasons but good manners.

“Oh, don’t be. It’s fine”, she smiles, “…I wonder if you want to go out with me sometimes…”, she murmurs then, staring at me expectantly.

I shift uncomfortably on my feet, showing her the platinum ring on my finger.

“I am married…”, I say under my breath.

She opens her eyes wide and her lips part in a sudden understanding.

“Oh. I see. I… “, she chuckles, looking down and seems embarrassed, “…I am sorry. I didn’t think you had a husband”.

I shove my hands into my pockets and let go a quick, amused laugh.

“I don’t”, I reply immediately, “I have a wife”.

Again that look of understanding, that nodding of her head.

“She must be a lucky woman”, she mumbles to herself, and then moves a step closer to me, looking up, making me freeze abruptly.

“She definitely is a lucky woman because she can do this all the time…”, she whispers, and I cannot react, because she’s rapid, and her hands are on the hem of my jacket, and her face is so close to mine that I can clearly see the iris of her blue eyes, and then she kisses me and for a second I don’t know what to do.

Then Carmen’s face appears in front of my eyes and I grab the nurse’s forearms, and I pull back, and I chuckle in discomfort, and my blood pumps into my veins not because I’m aroused, but because I am ashamed. Ashamed and embarrassed. And I don’t want any of this to happen.

And so I push her back, gently but firmly, and shake my head as I smile at her.

“No, no please, I can’t. And I don’t want to”, I murmur politely.

The nurse looks down and suddenly seems completely out of place. Her cheeks are reddening and she rubs her lips with her fingers.

“I am sorry… I didn’t mean to. I just…” she sighs, “…I wanted to know what it feels like…”.

I take her hand gently and look at her.

“It’s okay. Don’t worry. Nothing happened”, I reassure her, “What’s your name?”.

“Justine”, she says, still looking at the floor.

“Justine. Nothing happened. You don’t need to feel uncomfortable. It’s okay”.

I let go of her hand and leave the room.

”Sanatarium
Just leave me alone
Fear of living on
Natives getting restless now
Mutiny in the air
Got some death to do
Mirror stares back hard
Kill, it’s such a friendly word
Seems the only way
For reaching out again”*

End Flashback

TBC

Soundtrack:
* “Sanatarium” (Metallica)