The first time I came here, it was just because I wanted to see if he really was nothing more than a veggie. The second one, it was because Doctor Breillard told me that he was awake. Awake and completely out of his mind. I wanted to see what he meant exactly, I needed to see it with my own two eyes.

The third time, it was because I was having those dreams. Those dreams about that night. They just didn’t leave me alone, I couldn’t sleep anymore, I couldn’t rest anymore. And I needed to exorcize them in some ways. I needed to convince myself that John James Sanders was truly, completely harmless.

And then I started to check on him on a pretty regular basis. It was because I had realized that I needed to be sure that he couldn’t harm Carmen anymore. It was like checking on a silent monster. A sleeping monster. As soon as you’re sure that he’s sleeping, everything is alright. And yet you can’t help but keep an eye on him. Just to be sure.

I lean my back against the wall and I fight the urge to light a cigarette despite the no smoking signal hanging on the wall. Right then, the door opens silently and she smiles, handing me a mug of coffee.

“Thank you…”, I murmur, surprised, “…How did you know I was here?”.

She just smiles again, wider this time. Her blue eyes are bright despite the dim light enveloping the whole room.

“I saw your car in the parking lot. And you are so very punctual. Every first Monday of the month, you are here”.

I sigh, rubbing my eyes.

“Yeah… I know. I am just…”.

“…Checking on him?”, she asks quietly, with a smirk, and I shrug my shoulders.

“Sort of”.

“Are you his friend?”, she asks, and I have to repress my disgust.

“No… No, I am not”.

The nurse nods her head slowly, in understanding, and stops talking for a very long time.

“I am his nurse. His night shift nurse”, she eventually says.

My eyes are still fixed on Sanders, who’s snorting slightly. His lips are parted. His face is pale. I find him frankly disgusting, and I cannot imagine how this woman can look at him with such care and concern. But I guess it’s just part of her job.