From: ChristineK @ NoISP.com
To: PorterB @ CalArtsCtr.com
31 May 2004 12:19 am
Bette,
You arent the only person who has a job in a competitive field.
You want what you want when you want it. You feel as if you are divinely entitled to have it because you are Bette Porter.
Bette you are self-absorbed, narcissistic, egotistical, and selfish. You expect to get everything you demand because you have a sense of entitlement. Maybe it is your fathers fault that you believe you can smile your pretty smile and the world is supposed to fall on its knees ready to do your bidding.
You love what you do. You love the accolades, you love the attention. You are so good at the sound bites, Im just happy for the artists. Bullshit. You are happy because everyone is falling around Bette Porter telling her how wonderful she is.
You dont want to hear anything that anyone has to say if they arent singing your praises. You are afraid to show weakness because it might dampen the chorus singing the praises of Bette Porter.
I appreciate the fact that you are trying to take a good hard look at yourself. But are you capable to looking beyond your perfect image? Are capable of looking beyond the picture that you present to the world? I think that you have preached your propaganda so long that you believe it. When people look at Bette Porter they see perfect face, perfect hair, perfect make-up, perfect body, expensive designer suit perfectly pressed of course, expensive car, Ivy league diction.
Do you really miss me or do you just miss the role that I play in your perfect image? Did you really not want to talk to Candace or did you just not want to be seen getting involved with someone who does manual labor? Or can you not talk to her because she cant hold a conversation about designer suits and the current art style en vogue?
Would you still want me if I gained weight or had an ugly scar on my face. Would you still want to be seen with me if I stood by your side in a dress from K-Mart?
Weve always had problems in our relationship, but they got worse when I quit my job. Was it because I wasnt impressive enough anymore? You couldnt introduce me as someone with a prestigious career in the film industry, you could only introduce me as a housewife dusting and cooking dinner. Based on that description, people might even think that I didnt even have a college degree. Is that why you want me back instead of Candace, are my resume and credentials more impressive than hers? Am I better for your image? Does my cute southern accent when clothed in an outfit you approve help you charm people into opening their wallets? Would a women in overalls be less helpful when you schmooze for donations for the CAC which of course boosts your reputation even more?
Maybe we are just too different.
Tina

From: PorterB @ CalArtsCtr.com
To: ChristineK @ NoISP.com
31 May 2004 2:56 am
Tina,
Do you really hate me that much? Do you think that I am as superficial and shallow as the woman you describe in that last email?
Sure, I like to look good. I like being told that I have done an impressive job. That doesnt define everything about me. Who doesnt like to look nice or be praised? I dont think it makes me superficial, Tina, I think it makes me human.
Im not perfect. I know that. If you are expecting perfection from me then you are always going to be disappointed. I know that I am flawed.
I thought that you could see beyond the faade that I show the world. I thought you could love me for who I really am. Maybe you cant. Maybe I am not who you want.
Bette.