Feeling her hands and feet cold, almost freezing, Dana closed her eyes, and quietly she prey, trying to remember forgotten childhood prayers.

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Why didnt you tell me? Tina said, whispering, trying not to be heard by the others.

Looking at her, Bette shrugged, trying to find anything on the look on Tinas face that looked familiar. Unable to talk with her, feeling her lungs closing, her heart breaking apart again, she walked to the coffee machine. Her pace slow, tired.

Drinking the coffee, hiding behind it, she looked at her friends. Shane hand her head in her hands, bending down, trying to hide the tears that Bette was sure were running free. Carmen at her side was tenderly caressing her knee while looking everywhere in an useless attempted to find what was really going on. Kit, seated besides Jenny was talking with her, holding her, as Jenny, quietly nodding was trying to find a secure hand in Kits reassurance voice. Alice, seated at the other end of the room was quietly drinking a cold coffee while looking after Lara who seated by her side was lost in her own thoughts.

Tina, pacing the room was looking down, lost in her world too.

Watching Tina pacing the room, Bette sighed, getting comfort in the mechanical movement, in the familiar body. Looking at her she remembered their conversation, the words said and the ones kept in the dark. It wasnt what Tina said what broke Bettes heart in so many pieces, it was what she didn’t say, what she kept to herself what show Bette how deep and how wide the space between them was. It wasnt the cheating, the sex or the messy feelings Tina said she was having, it was the silences, the secrets, the unknown. It was the feeling that the woman pacing up and down in front of her was an unknown, was somebody she didn’t recognize, somebody she could not reach, she could not talk to, somebody she was afraid to look for. Thinking about the last couple of months, Bette realized what a lie everything was, she could feel Tina moving away, her indifference, her distant concern, her coldness. Even with the baby Tina was somebody else, not the kind of woman she always thought she was. It wasnt like she was bad or distant or cold, she was just mechanical, lacking any warmth and joyful feeling that having a baby should mean. She was there, but just as well. It wasnt like anything Bette imagine, and because she could not believe what was going on, because Tina was not being what she thought she was going to be, Bette was, felt even more lost. She saw Tinas new face and that not only make her world fell apart, it also broke al her walls, making Bette insecure, something shes never been, something she didnt know how to deal with.

Noticing Tina looking at her, sadly smiling at her, Bette felt her legs weakening, her mouth drying, he could not feel Tinas warmth, her strength. All she could see, feel was her lies, her secrets, her new life away from her.

Feeling sick, Bette threw the paper cup to the trash as she walked towards Alice. Kneeling down, taking her hand, she whispered,

” Ill have my cellwill you call me when she comes out?”

Unable to realize what was going on with her friend, Alice nodded, promising her to do so.

Without talking with anyone else, Bette walked towards the elevator leaving Tina and her friends behind.