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Fallacy (Part 1)
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“I forgot to make the bed,” she replied vaguely.
Tina smiled. “That’s okay.”
Then Bette said what she said every morning, which was, “I’m going to look for a job today,” and Tina replied with what she replied with every morning:
“Don’t rush yourself.”
And Bette frowned and began to say, “I might just accept the job they offered me at-”
“Bette, there’s no rush.”
The baby made a noise. Bette thought maybe she wanted to leave.
“Well,” Bette said.
Tina stood and she patted the baby on the back. Bette found herself incapable of moving from her spot by the door; she was not quite in the hallway that led to the rest of her life and not quite in the nursery that led to Tina’s and Angelica’s. She frowned.
But then Tina said, “Baby?”
“What?”
“Whatever you decide, I love you.”
And Bette took comfort in the fact that this was probably true, at least ninety-nine percent of the time. She went to make the bed and take a shower.
Afterward, Tina said, “We can have breakfast here or we can spend an hour getting Angie ready and have breakfast at The Planet, which would taste better.”
“Yeah,” Bette agreed, “we might as well stay here.”
Tina made French Toast; it was the first breakfast she’d ever made Bette when they were dating. Bette figured it was worth pointing this out and did so.
“I know,” Tina said with a grin. “All you had was eggs, bread, and milk, and the milk was pretty debatable.”
Bette stood beside her and watched her mix the eggs and the milk. “It tasted okay to me.”
Tina snorted. “I could’ve fed you sardines on toast and it would’ve tasted okay to you, you were that happy about me finally sleeping with you.”
“That’s true. You made me wait a long time.”
“Which, if you were paying any attention, was my tactic all along.”
She wanted very much to bury her nose in Tina’s hair, but she put that away because Tina didn’t like that when she was making food. “I was paying attention.”
Tina looked at her out of the side of her eyes. “Uh huh,” she hummed doubtfully.
“I was,” she said defensively. “This was before I had my head up my *****.”
“Baby.” Tina turned and kissed her soundly on the lips. “You’ve always had your head up your *****.”
“Except now,” Bette said softly. She didn’t fight the urge this time to wrap her arms around Tina’s waist, kiss her again, run her tongue along Tina’s lower lip.
“Except now,” Tina agreed, although Bette was certain that she probably had no idea of just how difficult it was to keep herself in this ridiculous box of reform. Tina probably didn’t know that Bette had a mantra in her head, be calm, be subdued, be thoughtful, be patient, that it looped indefinitely, that she couldn’t shut it out. Tina just thought that Bette had changed for the better and that Bette was a new person. So Tina didn’t know that it was just the best Bette could do to ensure her happiness, as her father might say.
As Bette had learned after the first fifty or so mistakes, what Tina didn’t know didn’t hurt her.
She swallowed and tightened her embrace, buried her nose in Tina’s hair like she wanted to. Tina’s hands were soothing on her back, rubbing up and down, and that was good.
“Let me make your breakfast,” Tina said quietly, but Bette didn’t want to let go.
“I like this.”
“So do I.” Tina chuckled softly and Bette felt it tremor through both of them. “I think sometimes that the entire reason we’re together now is because you like hugging me.”
No, Bette thought, closing her eyes. We’re together because I was weak. I was weak and I wanted a hug and you wanted to sleep with me and that’s why we’re together-because I love you and you love sleeping with me.
She let go of Tina.
Tina smiled at her and turned back to the bowl. “I’m making French Toast.”
“You’re making French Toast,” Bette agreed and watched her, leaning against the counter. She smiled so that she seemed happy.
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Heavy stuff… I’m glad to see you have come to write again, I thought “broken girls whith strange frames” was so excellent. I know, given your obvious insight into tlw characters thus far and the connection that you mentioned at one point in your own commentary, that Bette and Tina are special to you. This deconstruction of a, shall we say “troubled” Bette brings with it some sadness, I hope that B&T can connect/reconnect and entwine in every sense that we who love them yearn for.
wow- very interesting. a perspective that i don’t think that i’ve seen before. your talent is unmistakable though. thanks for this!
Hmmm I’m intrigued. Please continue.
Interestingly angsty Bette paired with a calm and content Tina… oooh, what will happen next?
I am really into this story, and I hope that you continue…
OOh! *rubbing hands together* THis is really good!!! I’m so excited about you writing another story! Can’t wait for more…and more! Thanks!
You’ve got my attention, I wanna know where this is going. I hope you choose to continue.
this is so great – very interesting perspective – love it
bitter sweet story. (I like it)I hope your post soon.
omg this story is the saddest thing ever” i love you and you love sleeping with me” aggggh wtf is that tinnna noo shes not a nypho she looovees bette to!!! please let them be happy and love each other or let bette get over herslef lol bettes my fav and i love her but i mean plleeeeeaaaase lol even though i know how she feels sad face lol anyways loooooovvvvve the story please post soon thanx byeness<33358973689
jeeze I cant stand how every new story is so horrible now….not the writing (thats great) just the plots of a distraught bnt
Good start and this is going to be awesome. Ok post soon, thanks!
Jeez, Bette, Bette, Bette. Sometimes I have to remind myself that B&T aren’t coconut shells that I can bang together and everything make like silly cymbals or end up having coconut milk or something. Even in fiction, love is hard. Yeah, well, if it’s easy, it won’t be love at all (yeah, yeah, heard that before. Litanylecturemantra).
So happy to have you back, Rachel. So glad to be reading your post again. Missed you so FUCKING MUCH. Please update your fic soon.
Cheers!
Rachel, let me comment first before reading… you are the TRUE COMEBACK kid. I was wondering if you’d ever post again. I’m so fucking glad you hit the keyboards and slammed down the RETURN key. So mighty glad to have you back.
PLEASE keep coming back. Missed you more than I could ever say (or type).
Cheers!
Wow. On one hand I’m so happy there back together, but at the same time I’m so worried that if she’s not careful it will be Bette who gets lost this time, trying to be all that she thinks Tina wants her to be. Bette fucked up, but Tina has always loved her for being Bette, not for how much money she had, or what she did for a living. Bette needs to let Tina know her fears and concerns, you can’t pretend things are alright when there not.
“We’re together because I was weak. I was weak and I wanted a hug and you wanted to sleep with me and that’s why we’re together—because I love you and you love sleeping with me.”
Were you referencing the brief encounter in ep. 9?
I know the experience of papering over a large crack in a relationship with habitual responses.
The cadence of Bette’s thoughts and responses – lapsing into almost clinical introspection – is so different from her behavior in other fics that this chapter bears re-reading several times to fully grasp what is being revealed. The layers of meaning are many. This is post-partum Bette. I think she is depressed. Seriously.
And I think this is a very fine story.
Thanks.
Great story but how very sad it is. One thing is for sure Bette can’t go on for long like this. Looking forward to much much more.