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    Feelings… Chapter 1

    Story written on June 22, 2006 by arkaycee.
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    68 votes, average: 3.66 out of 568 votes, average: 3.66 out of 568 votes, average: 3.66 out of 568 votes, average: 3.66 out of 568 votes, average: 3.66 out of 5 (68 votes, average: 3.66 out of 5)
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    Number of Comments: 24
    Words: 2379
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=61410
    Author Notes:

    FIX IT CHALLENGE #8–How the conversation should have gone when Tina told Bette she had feelings for men again.

    Bette struggled those months after Tina had left her…she tried to call but her messages were ignored.  She wanted Tina back, but she also stayed with Candace for a time.  She ultimately realized she couldn’t have it both ways, but again, because of how Tina recognized the truth in the situation, it created more of a chasm between them.  How could she ever repair that breach?  How could she get Tina to focus on the better…even the good times they had over the years? 

    This, however, was not the time to bring up her feelings.  As painful as it was, she had to let Tina have her say.

    Bette reached out to Tina to console her, but Tina pushed her away—just as she did the night of Provocations.  “Don’t touch me, Bette.”  Tina was holding herself tightly, as if she would fly into a million pieces if she didn’t hold on for dear life.  She was exhausted—both physically and emotionally—from the release she had allowed herself at that moment. 

    She had never let herself go like that—not since that awful night.  She shuddered as she remembered how she slapped Bette for the first time in all their years together.  She remembered the strategic bite marks she made out of her intense anger.  “I love you” was the last thing she wanted to hear at that moment because she was so enraged and hurt by the revelation of Bette’s betrayal and apparent lies. 

    Weakly, she said, softly, “Bette.  Please.  I just can’t right now.  I’ve got a lot going on in my head right now, and I need time to sort it out.” 

    Bette couldn’t take it anymore.  She inched closer to her lover but still kept her distance respectable.  Gently, she said, “Tina, don’t you know I’m here for you?  That I’ve been here all this time?  I know I did a terrible thing back then, and I know that saying “I’m sorry” every minute of the rest of my life can never undo the hurt I’ve caused you.  But if it could, T, you know I would.  

    “I think part of what got us here—and there back then—is that we stopped talking.  There were times we should have talked, but we walked on eggshells around each other instead.  We tried therapy, but you know my heart wasn’t in it—I thought it was a big waste of time.  But baby,” as she moved a little closer, “I think we need to talk, and we need to talk now.  Please don’t continue to shut me out.  I need you, and I believe you need me.  But even more, know that I love you, T, with all my heart. 

    “Can you tell me, honestly, that you really want it to be over between us?  Doesn’t our time together show you how committed I am to you—to us—to our family?  Yes, this is a particularly rough patch, and it sounds like you see only one way out—to a place where you think you can find security again.  But I beg you, most humbly, my dearest Tina—please let’s see if we can get through this—together.  I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere unless you really want me to.  But I really don’t think you do.”

    As Bette’s spoke, Tina was still trying to resist.  She wasn’t ready.  She was wary, still.  Yet, she allowed herself to listen to Bette, and as she heard those words, she tried to debunk them, to discount them, to discredit their author.  At the same time, she noticed that she was loosening her grip on herself.  Tina was starting to relax in a way that she hadn’t since—well, she couldn’t even remember.  She was looking at her loved one, watching her lovely mouth form every word.  She saw every wrinkle of anguish and the tears Bette continued to keep at bay.  By the time Bette was finished, Tina was looking into those deep, dark eyes that reflected her sincerity.

    Tina moved closer to Bette, put her head on her shoulder, and said, in a whisper, “Okay—let’s talk.”

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    Comments

    10. I liked how Bette let Tina blurt out what she was thinking without responding until Tina was done. I know I have a bad habit of interrupting when I’m being confronted.

    17. This is defintely the way that it should have gone when Tina opened up to Bette about her feelings towards men. Bette listening and then actually telling Tina that she was totally wrong but was working to keep her soul mate from running away.

    22. Just came back from holidays and while catching up with fanfics I saw you posted already the fifth chapter of a story. I’ve started with the first one, which I see was already written a long time ago. I can tell you from the first paragraph your powerful writing amazed me. I’m gonna read the next chapters in a bliss and comment on all of them.

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