”The direction of the eye, so misleading
The defection of the soul, nauseously quick
I don’t question, our existence
I just question, our modern needs
She don’t wander in…don’t wander in here, she…
She don’t wander in here…”

Shane’s silhouette behind the smoked glass of the windowpane.
Motionless under the continuous stream.
Carmen observes her for a while, then opens the windows and steps in, hugging Shane’s waist and resting her cheek against her back.
Shane doesn’t say anything.
“I am sorry…”, Carmen murmurs.

Flashback

Twenty minutes earlier

Shane’s chin is resting on the pillow.
Her fingers play with Carmen’s, like a spider in the mirror.
Shane’s eyes are so green.
So green.
So green.
Carmen is bewitched.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”, Shane asks sweetly, kissing Carmen’s forehead.
Carmen half-smiles.
“Nothing… I was just thinking that you have the most amazing eyes I’ve ever seen…”.
Shane presses a hand against her mouth and blushes.
It’s like she’s just won the lottery.
“Really?”.
Carmen grazes her cheek dreamingly.
“Yeah, really”.
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in my life…”, Shane whispers, kissing Carmen’s shoulder.
“We’re becoming sappy”, Carmen states, amused.
“Isn’t that bad, is it?”.
Shane’s lips lingering on Carmen’s bare skin.
No answer.
Shane tilts her head a little.
“Carm…”.
“Yeah…”. Just a whisper.
“Can we talk about that scar for a second?”.
Carmen tenses.
She doesn’t answer.
Shane clears her voice in discomfort.
“I mean… I know that you don’t really wanna talk about it…”.
“Then why are you asking?”.
Glacial tone.
Shane closes her mouth and swallows.
“I don’t know… I just…”.
“Don’t ask”.
“Okay… I’m sor –“.
“Shane, please. Just…”.
“What?”.
Carmen turns her back to Shane.
“Please, leave”.
“Carmen…”.
“Leave me alone… I’ll see you tomorrow”.
Carmen’s eyes distant, staring at nothing.
Shane licks her lips and starts getting up.
“Okay… I am sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I am sorry. I’m going to take a shower and then I’ll go to my room…”.
She stands naked and motionless beside the bed.
“But please don’t make me feel like a whore… We just made love. Don’t treat me like I used to treat girls. I know I deserve it but please don’t do it”.
Carmen doesn’t reply.
Shane sighs and walks towards the bathroom.

End Flashback

Carmen kisses Shane’s back, repeadetly.
“I am sorry… I am so very sorry… I didn’t mean to treat you like shit…”.
Shane turns around and hug her tightly.
She kisses her on the top of her head.
“It’s okay… Sorry for asking”, she murmurs and Carmen sees that her eyes are tired and sad and puffy and reddened.
She swallows.
“Shane…”.
“Yeah…”.
“I want to tell you what’s happened to me. But you promise me you won’t reply. You won’t say anything. You won’t ask more. You know that when I’m ready, you’ll be the first to know it. Okay?”.
Shane stares at her with big, big eyes. She nods.
Her expression full of expectations.
Full of fear.
Carmen closes her eyes under the spout.
“Some months after Whistler…. I went out, one night… “.

”I will walk…with my hands bound
I will walk…with my face blood
I will walk…with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden of stone…”

“….I went to a club of ill repute, I don’t know why… I wanted to feel something, anything. I wanted to experience something I had never experienced before. I wanted the thrill, I wanted the danger. I wanted to….”.
Carmen swallows.
“…I wanted to forget you for a while…”.
Shane doesn’t reply, bites her lips forcing herself not to reply.
“….I met this girl. We drank a lot. We decided to go to her place. Once there, I discovered that there were other two girls waiting for us. They tried to abuse me. I fought. One of them marked me with her knife. Then I finally got out from there. End”.
Shane’s eyes full of tears.
Her chin trembling.
Carmen opens her eyes and stares at her.
“Don’t say anything… Please…”.
Clenching her jaw, Shane shakes her head.
“Just kiss me. Please, kiss me. Kiss me”.
Carmen hugs her tightly.
The water hot, boiling hot.
Feeling heavy.
Heavy like a thousands stones on Shane’s skin.

”After all is done, and were still alone
I wont be taken, yet Ill go…with my hands bound
I will walk…with my face blood
I will walk…with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden of stone
I dont show…i dont share…
I dont need, yeah…what you have to give…
Oooh, I will walk…with my hands bound
I will walk…with my face blood
I will walk…with my shadow flag
Into your garden, garden…”**

**

SOUNDTRACK:
* “Goldring” (Shame)
** “Garden” (Pearl Jam)