LesFan

Lesbian Fan Social Network

    Fan Fiction

    This story has been set to a rating of PG-13. Age verification is required to proceed.

    Age Verification

    I am years of age as of today, November 12, 2026

    Enter your current age into the field provide above. Stories with a rating of R or NC-17 may contain material not suitable for children. LesFan requires that all individuals wishing to read these stories confirm they are of at least 17 years of age. LesFan uses the MPAA rating labeling system for all stories.

    LesFan will also make a best attempt to filter profane words in stories that are not rated R or NC-17 unless the individual confirms they are of at least 17 years of age.

    LesFan uses the following rating scale for stories.






    Submit

    Hindsight – Chapter 1

    Story written on November 9, 2006 by Jobadge.
     Login to add story to favorites
     Login to add author to favorites
    1 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 51 vote, average: 5.00 out of 5 (1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)
    You need to be a registered member to rate this post.     Loading ... Loading ...
    Genre(s):
    Rating:
    fanfiction(s):
    Character(s): ,
    Number of Comments: 46
    Words: 5922
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63161
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: I never believed it would become a chore to live…

     

    Angelica.

     

    Could I do that to her, would she even remember me as she got older, no of course she wouldn’t, she was barely fifteen months old, but she had recognised me today, but what about in six months time, or a year, or two years or whenever it was I got to see her face again…

     

    I really wasn’t sure the pain was worth it, how could I live each day, making the routine calls to Tina’s cell phone to leave a message hoping that one day she would answer or return my call, I hadn’t given up in seven weeks and four days, I’d called everyday, but up to today, it was the first time I had seen her in all that time, it was almost like she had disappeared off the face of the earth, disappeared with my daughter back into abyss of ‘the suburbs’ of LA.

     

    I lit another cigarette with the butt of the last one, drawing in, filling my lungs, I drew in again as the previous drag escaped through my nostrils, my eyes lingered over the label of the medicine bottles, I could feel my heart pounding, it felt like a turning point, but to which direction, I couldn’t yet tell.

     

    I gulped down the glass of wine and surveyed the two empty bottles beside me, another two empty bottles that Tina would have recycled, two empty bottles that I would just throw into the trash to join the other dozens of bottles that I had consumed in the recent weeks.

     

    I picked up the pills, contemplating…

     

    “Please… don’t…”

     

    I turned around at hearing the words, her words. Tina’s words.

     

    I watched her walk toward me, slowly, deliberately.  She stooped and took the pill bottle from my hand and read the label. I saw her look to the table beside me, the empty glass, the empty bottles, the cigarettes, the other two pill bottles.

     

    “What do you want…?”

     

    “I came to see if you were okay…”

     

    I shook my head and gave an ironic laugh, “what do you care…?”

     

    I saw her looking at me, standing over me and looking down at me, I wouldn’t meet her eyes, I suddenly felt very sober, and the pain I felt inside seemed to intensify.

    Page 9 of 11« First‹ Previous7891011Next ›Last »
    «
    FF Main Page
    »

    Comments

    1. Wow… I would have slapped Tina when she said, “You have no idea.” Really? Doesn’t she?! Ugh. This hurt and made me angry and so many other things, but I love it…

    3. As painful as it was to read, I couldn’t pull my eyes away from the page. You always manage to bring me into your stories as if I’m actually watching the events unfold. You are AWESOME! I hope Tina will do the right thing, and let Bette see her daughter. She has emotionally beat Bette down by not allowing her to see Angelica and now it is affecting Bette’s health. PPS!

    6. That had to be the most depressing thing I’ve read in a long time. I understand, I can even relate, but I’m drained and not in a good way. Bette screwed up, hindsight or not. Doesn’t matter how young or how old we are, when were hurt, angry, etc., knowing doesn’t play into it, we totally react to our emotions. Tina still cares we know she does, lets hope they can work it out. It would be nice if Angelica was asleep in the car.

    7. Bette needs help. She can’t be with her daughter if she wastes away to nothing or drinks herself into oblivion. This is painful, but please keep writing.

    9. Holy shit! Thanks for making me cry Jo. That was fricken sad and Tina needs to not be a bitch and let Bette see her daughter. This better not happen on the show.I will NOT be happy!WAY heavy

    12. Damn, Jo, you’re bumming me out. Bette’s a bulemic alcholic. That’s one suck-ass combination. And Tina is brilliantly , unrecombitantly selfish. That’s pretty suck-ass, too. Has it finally dawned on Tina how vicious and unforgiving she is?

    13. Jobadge, You are a fantastic diversified writer. The emotions you evoke are spell binding, Between you and Jwets Post today, emotional is just putting it mildly

    14. Wow! That was painful to read and I like slipperynipple had to skim over the beginning and not in all relation to your writing. Is it bad to want severe bodily harm to come to a fanfic character? Damn!Jo, you are one of the few that can make me hate Tina one minute and then love her the next. Post soon!

    15. This is really deep and powerful. The depths of pain being felt by Bette can be felt in every word written. I wonder why Tina felt she had the right to go and check on Bette? How funny that she answered Bette’s question but can’t understand how the pain she felt would not be magnified a thousand times by keeping Bette away from “her” daughter. I am hoping for a happy ending with my favorite couple.

    16. You know I trust you but you know my hormones are all over the place. This post just about killed me. Cried like a baby…you are simply amazing. I hope you post again very soon.

    18. OMG, there are 2 empty bottles…she’s going to drop right there in front of Tina. Sad, but what a way to go right in front of the women who took her daughter away w/out any regard to her feelings…that’a a very long 7wks 4day…Well this gives a kick start to the day…and not in your usual way, tks JB

    21. God, that was painful to read. I hope Tina can now see things from Bette’s perspective and have a little compassion for her. You are going to continue with this story, aren’t you?

    23. Well at least Tina cared enough to check if Bette was ok after seeing her earlier..tho running away was probably on impulse…it wasnt right either!….A vulnerable Bette gets to us all i think!.well it does me!!!..and she has hit her lowest ebb…looking forward to seeing where this goes….

    24. At the age of 28 I have not yet quite figured out if hindsight is a blessing or curse. Personally I tend to lean more towards curse, ignorance is bliss afterall. Honestly I skipped quite a bit of this story, sorry, it had nothing to do with your writing. I’m just not a fan of self flagellation. If Bette had had any insight she might have secured her place in Angelica’s life or she might have left Tina alone after setting eyes on her. But you see that’s the bitch with hindsight there is no rectifying or changing what has already past. And oh yes Bette has my permission to choke the shit out of Tina at least in this story. :0

    29. Hey Jo, That was intense. I completely trust you because of all the fabulous fan fictions you have so lovingly crafted and developed. This is currently the most gut and heart wrenching one I have every read. The total despair is there on the screen. Bette’s depression is overwhelming. As is Tina’s thoughtlessness. Sad to see how a person who was once the heart of the family, the carer of all other so remote from soemone she once loved. The real heartbreak is Angelica’s loss of her mother. The poignancy of her “Mama” cry was awesome. More please as this tale needs to run its course. Thank you as ever for this magnificent piece of emotive narrative. It is in a class of its own. Thank you, Your Loyal (if Lurking) Fan.

    37. I had to stop and walk away a few times while reading this chapter/story. I have felt that total emptiness and took steps to not waking up again. My emptinss was not to the extent that Bette is feeling at this time but it was enough. I trust you to make this better and to ease some of Bette’s pain. Tina obviously is concerned and maybe just maybe she still loves Bette or she would not be standing by the pool watching the love of her life disappear in front of her eyes.

    38. Oh sweetie, my eyes misted too, so sad, but all the same truly amazing and beautiful!!! Like you I love a vulnerable BP, never thought you would show us her hitting the bottom like this, but I totally understand your reasons – and for me to enjoy a ‘lifeless’ and desperate BP like I just did says everything about what a gifted writer you are. I am even more in awe by you now…..you can write all kinds of emotions and scenarios!!!I do trust you mate, always!! I’m sure Bette will have little Angle back in her life, but I’m not so sure about T???? Did notice the Levis is still there, gives me hope though :o))Call off all your plans for tonight – you’ve to write more and NOW!! I can do your work tomorrow, so you can stay home and write ok LOL. Sorry for keep you waiting, but I had to think more about this one….and yeah The Zebra can think LOL. Post soon please.

    45. Bette has definately hit rock bottom…so hopefully she will start to climb up. She loves Angelica but she has to love herself also. She needs to be around for the time that Angelica will have a choice to be with her mother…it seems like Tina is enjoying her little new life with a man so Bette might just have to pick herself up and try to make the best of her life without the love of her life…(hopefully they can somehow make their way back together…but that is a long way away it seems) please keep posting this story.

    Leave a Reply