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    Hindsight – Chapter 15

    Story written on January 12, 2007 by citygirl75.
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    Number of Comments: 25
    Words: 1934
    Story Shortlink: https://lesfan.com/?p=63969
    Author Notes:

    Bette Porter: Today was too precious for me to want that for her.

    I snapped my head forward to look at the clock. Fifteen minutes until Tina would be back. Could she really do all the things that she needed to do in less than an hour. I hoped that she wasn’t driving too fast. A few minutes extra wouldn’t be the end of the world, or would it? I so wanted her to be back already. What was she going to get? Some clothes for Angelica and some other things. That’s right, food. What food would she bring? I can’t remember the last time I had gotten any pleasure out of eating. The thought of food had turned my stomach for so long now it barely seemed possible that it should be something that I would look forward to.

    Why is it that everything that is happening today is brining back memories? Even the thought of eating some lunch with Tina is bringing back thoughts of better times. Of the Saturdays where we would get up late, due to our love making lasting long into the night, and then eat the lunch that Tina had always insisted in making. One day I had vowed that I would get up and make the lunch but Tina just laughed and I never did. I want to think that I made it up to her in other ways. Like the time when her car broke down and I took her to work for a week while it was in the shop being mended. Tina always joked that it was my way of us getting to spend more time together, and it was, but I wanted to do it, for her. When had she stopped believing that everything I did was for her? Maybe I had just stopped doing things for her. It didn’t make any sense how something so perfect could turn out so wrong.

    I got up from the couch. All this reminiscing wasn’t doing me any good at all. It only made my heart heavier to think or all the damage that needed to be undone before we could even start to make things right between us. Was Tina really going to stay with him? I couldn’t bear to think of my daughter living there. I wanted her with me, and yet I know that I’m equally complicit in this mess as Tina is. She left, but I never fought for her. I should have told her that I wanted her to stay. Go and explore your feelings. Who was I kidding. I should have told her that I loved her and I never wanted her to leave, that I didn’t care about anything except for making a family with her and Angelica. Instead I ran away. I’ll know never to be that scared again.

    I paced the floor while looking at the clock. Less than ten minutes to go. Angelica’s eyes were following me and I thought that maybe I should stop. She might be getting dizzy and yet I couldn’t. I couldn’t sit still. The time seemed to crawl by when I sat down, and even now standing here it didn’t seem to pass much faster. I looked down and smiled at Angelica. I couldn’t help it, every time I looked at her I smiled. I was an automatic reaction to how beautiful she was. How when I looked into her eyes all I saw was Tina staring back at me.

    I walked the window of the living room. This way I could see Tina pulling up in the car. I knew that I hadn’t been taking care of my car. That was something that I should start doing again. Tina used to tell me how she thought that I loved that car more than I did her. She knew that wasn’t really true though. There was nothing that even got close to her when it came to my love. I leant against the window, the glass cooling my forehead. It was then that I saw, in the distance a blue car coming down the street. I turned to Angelica.

    “Mommy’s home.” I said, wondering whether she really would ever come home.

    Page 3 of 3123
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    Comments

    1. Excellent post, CG. I hope your retirement is temporary for it would be a grave loss to this site if it were to be permanent. Maybe you could do one offs?

    2. Retirement? retirement? What are you talking about? What in God’s name (yeah, you heard me, old nameless one’s name!) do you mean? You’re far too young. Piffle! Just rest your thumbs and let Jo kick your ass periodically until you come up with a fresh idea, doesn’t have to be in serial form. In the mean time, that was quite good and very enjoyable. Now stop scaring your reading public.

    5. You write so beautifully and I hope that you will reconsider your retirement. Take a break, enjoy life but please come back. Besides we need someone who truly likes Tina. Great post.

    12. Great chappy. I hope “Mommy” is home for good! Now, about that retirement thingy…..wuz-up? OK, we fanfic “fans” shall grant you a sabatical for a temporary period of time (yes, did you not know there was a committee?), but please come back!

    15. Please, citygirl… if you EVER feel like sharing your writing with us again – DO IT! You will be missed… everything you write has been so worth reading. Thank you for all your wonderful stories!!!

    16. citygirl you are too young to retire, I hope it is just a break your taking not permanent retirement. This FFC site has lost far too many really good writers over the last year and a bit and its sad to see another one go. Thank you for sharing your writing skills with us and take care.

    17. You can’t retire!I fricken luv your stories along with everyone else! I really luved “the fall”. I had no idea you were done. BOO HOO I hope you come back to us soon, maybe just a break!PLEASE,PLEASE,PLEASE and PLEASE again!

    18. Thank you so much for so eloquently writing this Bette chapter, it flowed so well,and you were quite easy to persuade really! I think I might work on you again in the future, because the site won’t be the same if you are in retirement! Anyway… people always come out of retirement… you won’t be able to jump that ship forever!

    19. Dear citygirl! Wow… As you may or may not know, I have fallen in love with the depths of this story since I read the first word of it… Its a gorgeous turmoil of raging memories and racing hearts, racing to eachother… For you to pick up, so beaytifully, where Jo has left off. To do it justice like that… I applaud you! I think its not easy to write a chapter for someone else, but you caught the essence and did so beautifully! I am in awe!!!! I too hope that this retirement is only temporary… Pls keep on writing what your heart tells you to write, yoúr way with words is magnificent! And maybe one day, you’ll post again, just like that, because you know you can’t miss us :) ;) Thank you for this wonderfull chapter!

    20. You cannot be serious! Just a writing hiatus and then a “come back” – please. Love this story and happy that Jo let you guest-write for it. Eagerly anticipating your next story!

    23. Great update to this story City! Now whats all this talk about a retirement? what Retirement!! I dont think that’s an option, maybe a little holiday. LOL! Hope you come back soon with another great story! Thanks

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