Fan Fiction
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Hindsight – Chapter 18
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I moved my fingers lower, to her cheek…, I saw her swallow as I quietly spoke to her, was the touch hurting her, was she in pain… the thought suddenly came to me that this touch could be interpreted as something more, it wasn’t meant to be… but I had to swallow too, such was the effect she had on me in such close proximity, it was the same earlier when she fell asleep on the sofa, their was that magnetism that drew me to her, it always had, I wonder if that was the reasoning on trying to stay away all those weeks, to try and avoid that magnetism that drew me to her like a moth to a flame.
“Are you sure its okay…” I said to her as my fingers touched the smoothness of her skin, regardless of the fact that she hadn’t been looking after herself physically, her skin still felt like the purest silk under my fingers.
I smiled to myself as her eyes remained closed, it was one of those moments, a moment when she held onto the breath inside, it had been a standing light heartedness between us from the beginning, “You need to breathe…”
Her eyes flickered open as I spoke, I smiled as I said the words, watching her closely, her look was intense as our eyes met, it was a look that was familiar, but familiar from our past…
I saw her head turn slightly, but her eyes remained locked with my own, now it was time for me to hold my breath as I realised what she was about to do, something she had done so many times in the past…
She turned her head and placed her lips gently against my palm…
How was it possible that with one singular, simple gesture she could knock every breath from my body, I felt my lips part, I wanted to speak, the words swirled around in my mind, but as I tried to formulate the words… they slipped away, the words wouldn’t reach my lips…
Her lips lingered in my palm for what seemed an eternity… an eternity I was happy to be part of… but what did it mean, what did it mean that she was placing her lips on my hand, I know what it used to mean, but not at this moment in time…
My mind recalled the time I had spent in her car, how it made me feel to be surrounded by her, even sat in her space felt intense, and this moment was intense too…
She moved her lips away from my hand, there was silence between us, but our eyes remained locked, her eyes were telling me things I longed to hear, but she didn’t voice them, she remained silent.
“I… uh… I saw the pictures…” I whispered as I felt my eyes well, my hand now back at my side.
“Which pictures…?”
“The ones in your car…”
She dropped her head and gave a quiet ironic laugh… She looked back at me then, her eyes mirroring my own as the tears also welled in hers as she spoke, “I wanted something to remind me of what I had lost…”
Her words shocked me, they shouldn’t have, but they did… they penetrated me deeper than I thought possible, she could talk for hours about all of it, but the words of ‘…what I had lost…’ tore through me.
“You haven’t lost…” I began.
“Yes… I have…”
“But…”
“I lost you both… but… if your promise is something I can believe in… then I still… have Angelica… at least I… still have her…”
“You haven’t lost me…”
“Yes… I have… lost you…” her words choked out.
“I… don’t want… to be lost to you…” I whimpered.
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Excellent as usual..
you writed in a lovely way!you have the gift to produce a lot of feelings when somebody read your post! incredible as always!
you are really going to send me into labor…have I told you that. UGH…pps
jesus jo do u post these one pagers cuz writing more is like way to intense?
Does Tina intend to back up her declaration about not being lost to Bette? Is she ready to attribute those butterflies to the right cause? As of now she still has one foot stuck in the muck of Blandville. Has she the strength to pull it out?
I love this style of hearing both sides of the story! It’s powerful and painful–PPS!
Holy cow, that was intense!!!! “I wanted something to remind me of what I had lost”….WOW!!!!!!
This story is so sad and the pain is so evident in every look that B & T share. Everytime I see your post, I click on it, and I can feel all the emotion these two are going through. I love your writing JO, so I continue to follow. Please let the healing begin, soon.
Amazing PPS
If only I.C. could see their relationship the way it SHOULD be… thanks for this wonderful story.
So sorry about your cat. : ( But, It’s good to have you back posting again.
Hey Jo :) This story is so beautiful and heartwrenching and passionate all at the same time !! I have been enjoying reading your stories since beginning. Thank you so much for writing such a masterpiece ! :) congratulations on your award !! You deserved it rightfully !! I cant wait for Tibette to be happy again together. And like JLBT said Thank You for being a Tibetter at heart !! :D looking forward to more
wow!!!!!!!!! Tina doesn’t want to be lost to Bette? well then what is it that she wants???? GREAT AS USUAL…I look forward to the next update…this is truly exquisite and torturing!!!!
Lovely… excellent writting and thank you for posting twice…so close… sorry about your cat
Wow! You made me cry again for these two lost souls. There is just so much pain between them, but there’s also so much love still there deep down. I just know you’ll bring them back to one another in time. I’m counting on it! :) I also want to say I too lost a very dear pet this past year and I know how hard it is. Just remember you cat will always live on in your memories.
The only way for Tina not to be lost to Bette is for her to leave Henry and move out on her own. Then take steps to rebuild their relationship from the ground up. This story still takes my breath away.
Outstanding. Don’t be lost Tina. Go Home. The tension is incredible.
it’s time for them to find each other
I think that one of the reasons that I have fallen in love with reading throughout my life, is that there are great authors that are able to paint very realistic pictures and stories by the use of words. This is precisely why I enjoy this story – it is very easy for me to SEE the interaction between these two women in my mind, as I read the words that you write. Thank you for using your words to make such an amazing story.
Can you hear that? shhh it’s my heart breaking…Your killing me here but I am loving every minute of it!
Heartwrenching. Palpable. I’m in awe of your ability to evoke such strong emotions. I hope you post again today.
ahhh… you’re tearing my heart out here! damn… this is so good. i just know tina is going to back out of what she really means with those words… instead it will be a ‘we can be friends…’ can’t wait til the next post!!!!
1st?
Arghhh… the pain… the exquisite pain… please let these two wounded creatures heal each other. Feel the butterflies, Tina…. recognize that it is love and dare to reach out to the only one you’ll ever adore like this. And Bette please gather your last vestiges of strength and believe that all hope is not gone. Jo… you know what I think of your writing by now… but I’ll repeat anyway – whatever journey you chose to take me on, I’ll follow. You’re that good!
What is a a woman to say when you just made her cry? With words, just letters placed after eachother, you evokes tears, feelings, you caused a heart to wrench, a mouth to go dry, tears to get stuck in throat, with words, you do your magic, but you have no idea, not even slightly, how strong your magic is… Thank you for being a TiBetter Jo, but even more so, thank you for being you.
you know that your writing always knocks my socks off – superb as ever. my sympathises are with you as you know and also congratulations abouut the other thing and thanks for the item you sent me today xxxx hugs
I’m so glad to comment almost directly after JLBT, because she said it all… and perfectly, cause for me she is one of the rare people that can write almost as beautifully as you… Jo, this story is heartwrenching, but I trust you blindly to take us there… Thanks!
you know that your writing always knocks my socks off – superb as ever. my sympathises are with you as you know and also congratulations abouut the other thing and thanks for the item you sent me today xxxx hugs
Damn, this is so painful and sad. Theirs so much between them. To remind her of what she lost. I don’t know but to remind yourself of that day in and day out, is like constantly reopening a wound. Please let Tina mean more than just being friends, after all she did bring a lot of bags, hopefully some of them contain clothes for her. Pleasssssssssssssssssssssssssssse Jo.
omg Jo, you just have to give us more, more than one page, pls pls this is killing me
It’s so sad to see this relationship deteriorate to this level of pain. God I hope it gets better. This is heartbreaking.
WOW!!! This is just so sad. I hope Tina means what she is telling Bette. Thank you PPS
Oh god, i’m in pain too! Jo your writing is just amazing! wow! I hope Tina means what she says …
Hey Jo, Once again my heart has been ripped out and jumped upon. The poor mangled organ is just about able to sustain live. I adore the she said, she said aspect of this story. First Bette’s view of Tina’s return and now Tina’s thought process on the whole sorry situation. You give each of the gals tormented minds and spirits. Each is struggling with the best way forward. How do you move on when you want to live in the past. You want to feel alive and connect as before. I do hope that Bette and Tina can reunite and rebuild their relationship and their hearts. Only by being honest, looking (not just seeing) and listening (not just hearing) can progress be made. In your capable hands this depth of emotion is perfectly portrayed. The darkness has seeped in and they are both trying to illuminate it with the smallest of candles. Good thing is that an inferno begins with a single spark and so I hope do this tragic tale have a magical and marvelous conclusion. Thank you so much for returning and continuing this story so speedily. My heart may weep but there is the hint of understanding and a fresh beginning. Wonderful writing from Your Loyal Fan.
Damn this is emotional and hope Tina mean what she saying. OK post soon please, thanks!
Wonderful chapter, very well written and darker than the previous one. Very sad but hope is present in the text too. Brilliant, thanks.
Ouch… But, somehow, I think you’re doing oh so right by our girls… (PS, I think I’m correct in assuming that you’re drooling over s4 Bette as much as I am, right? ;))