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Hindsight – Chapter 7
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“And that’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s it…”
“You are always so passionate about your art, what happened to that?”
“My passion?” I asked her, I raised my eyebrows and shook my head.
“Yeah… you had so much passion and intensity about Art, and now you are Dean of the college I thought maybe that would have given you a real focus and a drive…”
“Tina, my passion walked out of here seven weeks and five days ago, my passion left me… its gone, I have no passion in my life, I have nothing in my life, it’s empty… I go to work, I come home and eat, I throw up and I drink, I drink until the pain goes away, but it never does, it never goes away, I’m empty and my life is empty…”
“It’s not empty…”
“Really? Tell me what I’ve had to live for?”
She looked at me, I knew the things I said to her were harsh, but she had no idea what I had been feeling, no idea how much pain I felt at not being able to see my daughter, she had no idea how it felt to be that alone…
“What about your art…”
“It’s not the same, I see different things in art now…, I see the darkness…, I see the loneliness…, I see the emptiness…”
“You’re scaring me…” she said quietly.
I look at her then, directly in the eye, “I’m scaring you?”
She just nodded.
I felt my eyes well, I look down at my hands, holding the half empty cup of coffee, I was scared too, I was scared at how close I had come to wanting to not go on anymore…
I couldn’t find the one thing I needed; it was difficult to find peace. To be at a place of peacefulness, when all I had been feeling was emptiness…
“I can’t help but think you really hate me…”
“I don’t hate you…; I’ve never hated you…”
“Why else would you take her away from me…?”
“I don’t know…”
“Well, you’re going to have to help me out here…, because from where I’ve been sitting, there is nothing else to think, but that you really do hate me, and you hate me so much that you’ve kept Angelica away from me…”
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Starting the day over is a good start… if they could just do that with the last 8 weeks, maybe everything would be ok…
Painful, heart-wrenching, but beautiful & hopeful too? Awesome writing Jobadge.
I was so glad to see you posted another chapter to this amazing story… As painful and heartbreaking as it is, I am so enjoying this jorney. Thanks a bunch Jo.
Damn women – once again I’m looking like something the seahorse has draged in….swollen red and wet eyes!!! The part with “Tina my passion walked out of here seven weeks and five days ago, my passion left me….” was simply breathtaking….the whole chapter was amazing!!!! You’re the best, no question about it!!!! Thanks for yet another masterpiece xx
a page of perfection!
Yet another heartwrenching chapter…always beautifully written…though would have to pick my moments to read it!…Hormones can do that to ya!!!..Good stuff tho!
I wonder if Bette meant to add that she’d eat and throw it up. Tina didn’t seem to notice that.
This was emotional and awesome Jo…I was exhausted emotionally just reading it. Where does Tina & Henry stand? They seemed happy the other day at the store. Does Bette & Tina have a chance? Is Tina just sorry about how she treated Bette or could they get back together?
Sniff-sniff. Jo you’re killing me with these two.
What can I say Jobadge ? You’re a poet. Another heartwrenching chapter indeed but the kind of “heartwrench” we love. This is all so beautiful and so painful at the same time. Oh, and I love your “parallel editing” of the story too. It’s really great to get the chance to see things from both points of view ( and so rare ! ). So enlightening ! Anyway, every single chapter is a wonderful gift you are offering us, Jo, so thank you so much !
is incredible how you show us all their pain and her fears just in one page, i don’t know if i can handle two pages likes this! it’s so heartache, i think that i should take some painkillers before read your next chapter! well done, girl
passion walked away but maybe hope just came back in? i hope…
That Tina is willing to stick around after being slapped around by the sisters Porter is quite a hopeful sign. She deserves it, of course. And it’s a necessary first step if anything better is to come.
Is there a way to start the last year to year and a half over? Jo, you are really laying it all out in the open. This is so heartfelt and pulls from deep within one’s soul. A person reading this can feel the pain, hurt and anger that emanates off of Bette and to some degree Tina. I hope that they can work their selves back together for both of their sakes (and well mine too because I love Tibette)
Damn this is awsome and Im with funnyone and let see whats next, thanks!
heart-achingly brilliant.
awesome jo….you are an amazing writer….i love this fic….please, continue soon…..i wont be the least bit aggravated if you decide to post oh…say….another 3 or 4 chapters today…..lol…….. =0)
Your writing is so extraordinary that I feel Bette’s and Tina’s pain. You’re so skillful that I forgive Bette but Tina’s another story. You write more in one page….economy of words but certainly not emotions.
Jo that was just amazing. Thank you ans Please Post Soon
This is sooooo heart breaking,But Love it
gee Jo you are just a phenomenal writer but this is SO painful i really don’t know if i can keep reading it because it brings so many tears to me. you are just the greatest writer on the board EVER
Soo amazing! I wonder how Tina will deal with Bette’s anger..then there is Kit and the friends..then Henry..and ofcourse she still loves B..will she get back the house to help Bette…Will B have her back easily? Lots of stuff still to happen :P I can’t wait for next chapter!.
Wonderful chapter Jo! So much emotions on a single page.
Heartwrenching… Its like eating chocolat when you have a toothache, reading your stories… You want it so bad even though you know its gonna hurt… BUT the hope you give… The communication you master… If only your name were IC… Love this Jo! PPS!
This is so hard to read, very painful. Yet you cant stop reading nor stop the tears. thanks