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I Will Not Let You Fall
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A crumpled piece of paper that hid partly under the bed caught Tina’s eye. She crouched down and picked it up, smoothing it out. Her heartbeat faltered at the sight of that familiar handwriting, beautiful, vulnerable handwriting, in which the note read: ”You promised.”
Sinking to the floor, Tina stared down at those two words, reading them over and over again, her own voice resonating in her head chaotically, until at one point it wasn’t her voice anymore. Another voice now read the words in her head. Bette’s voice.
Tina broke down. She squeezed the note in her hand. ”Oh, Bette… I’m sorry…” she sobbed into the hand. ”I’m so sorry…”
She realized once again how all those months ago she had told Bette that she would never leave her, and yet she had done just that on numerous occasions, when Bette had needed her the most, she had just run away from her at the first sight of a trouble. She had been weak, had let her mind be manipulated by different people that didn’t seem to care about her feelings. She had betrayed Bette and all those months later it was still gnawing at her soul.
Calming down somewhat, Tina wiped the tears from her eyes. She looked at her wet palm and thought about the possible amount of all the tears that she had cried since Bette’s arrest in early July. Maybe a bucket? Or maybe two? It couldn’t be that much, Tina thought. And if it could, Tina wondered how much long her body would be able to produce any more. It couldn’t be much long.
Getting up, Tina pulled the piece of paper into the back pocket of her jeans. She snuffled and looked around the messy apartment. She spotted the black hoodie Bette had often weared while at home. She picked it up from the floor, lifted it to her face and inhaled. Her eyes rolled closed. The sweatshirt still held Bette’s natural scent mixed with her perfume and a little bit of cigarettes. Tina breathed in again to draw Bette’s essence in deeper. Her heart twisted with grief at what she had lost.
Carrying the hoodie with her, Tina wandered around the apartment while a lingering, overwhelming sense of melancholic nostalgia followed close behind her. Even though the furniture was ruined, she could still see herself sitting on the sofa, in Bette’s arms, while watching a movie. She could see Bette walking up to her from behind and kissing her on the head while she was making them dinner in the kitchen. She could see helself being pinned up against the wooden column by Bette in the heat of passion, kissing hungrily. She could see herself arguing with Bette about trivial stuff, and having more serious fights. Wherever she looked, there were reminders of how intense their relationship had always been, never a dull moment, always filled with different emotions, happy moments, dark moments, struggles, new experiences. The relationship where despite all the hurtful words, strife and differences, love and forgiveness had always remained sacred, unconditional. The relationship that nothing else would ever come close to, Tina knew.
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Welcome back!
I must say – i don’t like your Tina in this story – she’s too weak, too dependent from another’s opinions. Yes, she’s young, but still. And Bette is right – Tina left her too often to believe in her love. So T has a lot a work to do, if she wants to fix it.
And you will bring back B from jail earlier than 19 years, right?
I like that you are frequently updating my favorite story on here. I feel so sorry for Bette,19 years behind bars?? Anxious to see where this story goes!!
Hi Valerie:
Amazing update; I’m very sorry for Bette, I understand her bitterness, and I think she still loves Tina, and probably she loves her so much that she would like for Tina to be happy, a happiness she doubts it would be with her, so she is pushing Tina away; she also feels resentment because of Tina’s behavior when she left her a few months ago, and Bette can’t understand that Tina’s situation with her parents made her take some distance with Bette’s trial.
But I think Bette knows very well she lied to Tina about her criminal activities and she has some responsibility in their separation.
Now, everything depends on Tina’s next step, would she be willing to wait for Bette? Will Bette recover some hopes about her future?
The answers are in your quill Valerie, but one thing I know is that Bette is empty and she needs Tina to get hopes in her future, and Tina needs Bette to survive.
Thank you for this great chapter, but now you leave us heartbroken, and with lots of questions.
Please, Valerie, post soon (seriously), I’ll be anxiously waiting.
P
This is heartbreaking Valerie!
Nineteen years in prison, i feel so sad for Bette. Is she gonna survive it, she is broken, her spirit died, especially after Tina left her more than once and after Marcus died.
Tina is young and i really believe she loves Bette, but she listen to much to other people and runs away when she promised Bette that she would stay with her.
I feel so sad for both of them, my heart is breaking. Is this really goodbye? Nineteen years is a long time and i hope there is a way for Bette to get out sooner, but i do understand that a relationship is very hard to remain and that Bette doesn’t want Tina to put a hold on her life waiting for her and why she said goodbye.
Valerie, i truly enjoy this story and while my heart is breaking, i still believe that you will give us a happy ending. Your story title,” I will not let you fall” give me the hope that you will bring them back together.
One request, i hate Helena, please don’t let her and Tina get romantically involved.
I truly love this story and anxiously await each update. Nineteen years….of course she did plead guilty, so it’s not surprising the number of years. I can’t say that I like this Tina. I need her borrow someone’s backbone if she can’t find her own.
There has to be a silver lining in this and the two of them will be back together and in love. I’m sure Bette is purposefully pushing Tina away.
Post soon!
Thanks for this great post! Hope we won’t have to wait for 19 years :) Can’t find in my heart any hatred for Bette-the-criminal and can’t find any sympathy there for Tina-the-good-girl. What a paradox! You’ve created a very intense and charismatic image of Bette.
Well geez that was up lifting…Not!…that is some freaking sad shit there…