“I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. I feel like I’m moving in slow motion and everything around me is moving so fast and I just want to go back… to were things were normal… when it wasn’t poor Carmen laying on the bathroom floor wearing her wedding dress with her… disappeared fiancé. But I am… so I cant… and I’m… just stuck… and there’s all this pressure ‘cause everyone’s hovering around me waiting for me to do something or say something, flip out or yell or cry some more… And I’m happy to play my part. I’m happy to say the lines and do what ever it is I’m supposed to be doing if it will make everyone feel more comfortable. But I don’t… I don’t know how to do this… I don’t know how to be this person, I don’t… I don’t know who this person is”

“Carmen…” Alice says with tears in her eyes. And I cant keep my tears any longer

“How did this happen Alice huh? How did we end up here? Why am I alone? Where is Shane?”

“…You are not alone Carm… there are moments…all of a sudden, in a slip of a second your life changes forever…before you know it.. You’re somewhere else… and I know I have to be a friend here and tell you everything is going to be ok but it isn’t…  its not going to be ‘ok’ for a while but… but you cant be like this Carmen…do what ever you need to do but just do it Carmen… cause life… like sucks….. You are a strong person Carmen…. We all know that… and you are going to get over this, you just need time”

I’m not a big fan of time. Times takes pleasure of kicking our asses. For even the strongest of us, it seems to play tricks, slowing down, hovering… until it freezes, leaving us, stock in a moment unable to move, in one direction or the other. Time heals all wounds, but time waits for no man… or woman.  All any of us want is time… time to stand up, time to grow up, time to heal. Time to let go….Time…. and its time… time to get up and get out of this ridiculous dress and get a bath and wash away this horrible day … or try anyways. ‘Knock knock’. Alice gets up and opens the door before I get up myself