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    Is this love chp 57&58

    IS THIS LOVE
    Chapter 57
    Tina knew that sooner or later they were going to have to have this conversation about whether they wanted a family. Tina did believe that Bette was the woman for her – she was also pretty sure that Bette felt the same way. But the big but was kids – and there was hardly a middle ground they could take on this matter. Tina took a drink of her wine and looked at Bette – she was shocked at how scared Bette looked all of a sudden. Tina knew she was anxious but to see the look on Bette’s face was a jolt.
    “I won’t lie Tina – I am pretty sure that I want a family. It just seems natural to me – to find the right woman and to settle down and give my children the same love and support that I was lucky enough to have when I was growing up “
    Tina realised that the most important thing was not to scare Bette off –not to say anything that damaged their relationship. Tina touched Bette’s hand
    “It’s just never been something that has been on my list of priorities. I am sure that I would suck at it “
    “I think that you would be very good at it “
    Tina shrugged “It’s never been something that I could imagine myself doing – dirty diapers and midnight feeds and all that “
    “We are still both pretty young I guess “
    Tina could see that Bette was backsliding so they didn’t have to face something that could really destroy their relationship.
    “Nothing would make me happier than my own baby “
    “Would you want to carry the baby ?”
    “Yes “Bette looked utterly miserable – with every comment that Tina was making it sounded another death knell for their relationship. Tina could feel her own fears and anxieties coming to the surface – this was going to be a real test for them and what they were trying to construct
    “Bette – it’s not been six months yet – we both need to slow down –this isn’t something that we have to make a decision on. People change – one of us could change our minds in 2 years’ time “
    “But what if one of us doesn’t?” Bette said her eyes starting to fill with tears “I don’t want to lose you “
    “I am not going anywhere Bette – we have an amazing thing. There is no reason this would hurt us – we should just be enjoying what we have “
    “But what if 2 years down the line you still feel the same and do I?”
    “And what if in 2 years I change my mind or you do. Bette – no one can predict what is going to happen in the future. Who would have thought that our parents interfering would bring the two of us to this place where we are so content and happy? Bette honey – it’s going to be okay “
    Bette shook her head “This is typical of me”
    “Bette – it’s okay “
    “What if we can’t agree? what if two years down the line I want a baby and you want nothing to do with it – it would devastate me “
    Tina could see that Bette was seriously beginning to panic
    “Bette – Bette – take it easy eh. “Tina took hold of Bette’s hands with both of her hands – she was desperately trying to reassure her “Bette it’s okay. What matters the most is that in two years is that you and I are strong and committed to one another. Nothing can hurt us if we are strong “
    “I would hate to lose you “
    “And I would hate to lose you –it’s not going to happen. This is something that we do need to talk about but not now – not after just three and a bit month together. Bette – breathe “
    Bette smiled and looked down at Tina’s hands holding her own. They looked so right and Bette knew that she was hopelessly and utterly in love with the blonde.
    “I love you “Bette said softly
    “And I love you “Tina replied “Which is why we are going to get beyond this “
    “What if we can’t ?”
    “We won’t if we both give up – I have no intention of giving up on this relationship – Bette babe – please talk to me “
    Bette was silent for several minutes as she fought to get her emotions back under control. She could feel herself about to start to fall apart and she was fighting to get herself together. Tina didn’t move – she sat still stroking Bette’s hands with her own – hoping that the gesture would be enough to somehow reassure the brunette. Bette looked up finally and smiled
    “My problem is that I want a woman too much – it is an issue that I want to put my women on a pedestal and just throw roses at their feet. I have been in love four times – you are the fourth and by far what I feel for you is the most serious and intense. The others all broke my heart – by cheating on me in one case, and because I was too intense in the second case and she dumped me “
    “And the third?”
    “She turned down my marriage proposal “
    This was something that Tina didn’t know – Rosemary and Helena had both hinted that Bette had been badly hurt in the past and that explained a lot about her
    “And you think I will do the same?”
    “It scares me “
    “Bette – I have never felt this way before – not ever – as far as I am concerned the first three months of a relationship do not get any better than the three months we have shared. It’s been amazing – very special. The way we started made it fantastic. You make me laugh until I cry, our physical relationship is off the scale with how brilliant it is. We just click – we seem to fit one another’s personalities – I am not going to dump you. I want you – God Bette – I need you “
    Bette looked up at Tina and smiled “I feel the same way “
    “So, let’s take it easy – I am sorry if other women have been stupid enough to dump you. I am a lot of things and I am as sure as hell that I am not dumb. You are stuck with me Bette –if you want me “
    “I do – of course I do. I “Bette swallowed “I just don’t “
    “I know “Tina said “I know that you have been hurt in the past and I am really sorry about that – we both have. Maybe that’s why it works – it works because you and I do have scars. We see that the other one is damaged – I would never willingly hurt you Bette. I know it’s hard because of the past but we have to trust one another – to just let go and know that the other will catch them. “
    Bette looked deep in Tina’s hazel eyes “I don’t let go easily “
    “You seem to be okay with me “
    “That’s why I know what we have is something special – because I can talk to you so easily “
    “I know that “
    Tina could see that Bette’s initial panic was abating. She leant across the table and kissed her on the lips “I am going nowhere Bette and I am not letting you go anywhere – this is just the start and yes we will have problems and yes we will have to compromise”
    “Having a baby is not something you can compromise on “Bette pointed out
    “You never know. Bette – let’s not make this an issue right now. We will figure something out when your biological clock starts getting louder “
    Tina sounded very reassuring and it was working on Bette. The brunette let out a sigh and squeezed Tina’s hands
    “I just freaked “
    “I know – as far as I am concerned if 3 women who have been utterly blessed to know what it’s like to be loved by you and they walk away – so when I came along you were free – that’s my gain and their loss. It’s okay B “
    Tina felt very relieved – Bette seemed to have calmed down – Tina had feared that she would bolt and never be seen again.
    “You want to go to have something to eat or you want to take in the early showing of a movie “Tina asked after a few minutes of silence
    “I don’t mind “
    “How about we go see what’s on at the cinema and then we can decide – we could always grab a take away afterwards and snuggle up “
    “I would like that “
    “Me too “Tina agreed “Come on then “
    As they left the bar together Tina glanced at Bette – would she have a baby with Bette to make her happy? At the moment she knew that the answer to that was no but she didn’t know if two-three years down the line she would still feel the same. She was sure that Bette was the one – she was besotted with this woman. Did her love for Bette mean that she would be able to have a child with her? Tina had some thinking to do – and most of all she had to reassure Bette that this business did not mean that they were destined to fall apart.
    *-*
    “Hey Bette “
    “Hey Helena “
    Helena had been surprised when Bette had texted her asking if they could meet for breakfast at short notice. So, it was with some trepidation that she had parked herself in Starbucks and prepared herself with the largest possible espresso. She was looking through some paperwork when Bette walked in – Helena looked up and watched as Bette ordered her coffee and came across.
    “Hey buddy “
    “Hey Bette – how’s life?”
    “Okay “Bette said – Helena recognised that tone of voice – Bette was messed up about something – probably Tina. Bette sat down and Helena waited for her to start unburdening herself.
    “How’s things with you ?”
    “Very good – I am arranging the Peabody Foundation’s dinner for the organisations we have given grants to – it should be in about three weeks’ time so can you make sure that you and Tina are free?”
    “Of course, “
    “I will make the invitation specifically for her and I will invite you separately “
    “Great – it will be the first big thing we will have been at together “
    “Of course – you two were playing hide and seek at the library benefit”
    “And I was miserable “
    “You were – what is happening with you?”
    Bette sighed and looked at Helena
    “I think we have a problem “
    “We as in you and Tina ?”
    “Yes “
    “Well the two of you have been doing your Hansel and Gretel routine – happy until the big bad wolf of reality appeared “
    “I think you are getting your fairy stories mixed up but that’s not important “
    “Kind of you – so what’s up with the two of you “
    “She doesn’t want kids “
    Helena raised an eyebrow
    “And you are pregnant, are you ?”
    “No of course not “
    “Because if she’s got you pregnant and she’s not going to stand by you “
    “HELENA “Bette snapped
    “Porter – calm the hell down will you. “
    “This is serious “
    “No it isn’t. The two of you have been together five minutes – this should not be on the agenda after three months – after three years it’s something that the two of you should be seriously discussing but not three months “
    “That’s what Tina said “
    “Thank the **** that one of you has her head screwed on the right way”
    “What’s that supposed to mean ?”
    “It means that you two have been together five minutes and you are talking babies – are you trying to scare her off ?”
    “It came up by accident “
    “Well make sure it doesn’t come up like that again – Bette – have you not learnt from the past ?”
    “Yes – of course I have “
    “Have you asked Tina to live with you yet?” Helena asked
    Bette went red in the face – the problem with having a friend who had known you since college was that at times, she called you on stuff that you preferred not to be reminded of.
    “No “Bette replied
    “Bette – I know you adore her – I can see that you and her get on better than you have with anyone else bare none. She’s the one for you, isn’t she?”
    Bette nodded “I don’t want to lose her by scaring her off but equally the last thing I want is for her not to know how I feel “
    “I don’t think you are in any danger of that “
    Bette massaged her brow “Last night I just freaked “
    “Tell me what happened “
    “We were just having a drink before we went out and we were talking about our mom’s – hers has suddenly changed her tune by the way. Anyway, my mom has made a couple of jokes about the two of us settling down and all that. I said that I wanted a family and she say that she doesn’t “
    “What happened next?”
    “I just freaked – I nearly just walked out “
    “That would have been the worst thing to do “
    “I know – I get such a panic that takes me over. I was sure she was going to tell me that it was a deal breaker and that just scared me “
    “She’s not like that “
    “I want a baby and I want one with Tina “
    “Bette – you want to lose what the two of you have – go and tell her that. You are going far too fast far too soon”
    “I haven’t asked her to move in with me “Bette said in line of a defence
    “I know – and that is progress – but you have thought about it haven’t you?”
    “Yes”
    “From what she has said she lives in a nice apartment that she owns virtually outright that her moms helped her with. She doesn’t need rescuing “
    “I know that and I like staying at her place “
    “So why ask her – okay – so I know why – but Bette neither of you are ready to take that step – not after three months “
    “I keep telling myself that I have learnt from my mistakes and that I will not screw it all up like I have in the past but I won’t lie – I want her to live with me “
    “I know that and equally it is more likely to work and less likely to break your heart if it’s a conversation the two of you have after 18 months or so “
    “I got so scared Helena “
    “I can imagine – but Tina isn’t like any of the three witches of Mac Beth that you have been in love with before. She is genuine and she genuinely loves you and loves being with you and hanging around with you – don’t blow this Bette”
    “I am trying hard not to “
    “Let me ask you something “
    “Sure “
    “How much does she know about your past – about the others ?”
    “I don’t like talking about them and I don’t want my relationship with Tina to be bound by what happened over five years ago “
    “I know that but it might help her if she knew where you were coming from “
    “I don’t know “
    “Bette – Tina is 26 years old – she lost her mom – her rock three years ago – she is just coming out of her own personal wilderness. She’s fallen hard for you – it’s perfectly understandable that it is taking some getting used to. You are much more together – you have it all set out for you – your own business that is doing very well and a lovely house – it’s all sorted for you. Tina is trying to find her way and she’s doing great – marriage and kids are not on her agenda and if they were THAT would be scary. Take a step back Bette and let Tina get some air “
    “She was fantastic last night – she could see that I was about to flip “
    Helena smiled – she remembered the one piece of advice that she had given Tina about Bette. They had been swimming in The Bahamas and the two women had been sitting side by side. Helena remembered her own words – looked like they had been very wise words
    “when Bette goes into meltdown – reassure her – she gets things out of perspective – you will need to be the calm one “
    Maybe Helena should get that made as a tee-shirt for Bette’s partner.
    “So, what next Bette?”
    “I don’t know – should I say something ?”
    “Do you want to ?”
    “I feel I should “
    Helena sipped her coffee “How much do the two of you actually know about one another – not the obvious like how she likes her coffee and all that but how much have you talked?”
    “We were saying just the other week that we needed to chat and open up a little “
    “In that case – suggest it – see how the two of you get on. Don’t be afraid to be a little vulnerable to her – she is a really good person and I think that she is just what you need to take care of you”
    “Yeah – you could be right “
    “Tina will know what sort of person she knows you to be but in this relationship you also have to put up with the fact that all the people that know you so well are also around to be telling her about you “
    “What have you said ?” Bette asked
    “I have told her how marvellous you are – I decided to let her find out for herself just how neurotic you are “

    Page 1 of 512345

    Comments

    1. Tina is looking for a mother daughter relationship in Rosemary. I think this is sweet. However, I think that if she really wants to know more about Bette, she needs to spend more time with Bette talking and revealing more about herself and allowing Bette to reveal more about herself. At this stage, they are still at that dating stage where you put your best, most pleasant face and personality forward so that you can be acceptable to your date. This talk on future children is the first time they have had a bump in their relationship. This is the first time Tina has seen Bette panic over something. She has yet to see how upset Bette has gotten over Emma’s remarks to Tina. She has not seen the harshness of Bette’s disposition when she is in full alpha mode. And not seeing this but hearing these tales from others may confuse her as to who the true Bette is.

      Hopefully, Bette and Tina can get away for some alone time during the Christmas holidays and really discuss where this relationship is headed and get on the same page as to the pace it will progress.

      And as Bette says, perhaps there can be some kind of truce to be called between Emma and Tina. I do not see Emma as ever becoming a Tibette fan, but she can agree to keep her thoughts to herself and let things work out as they may. I don’t think Rosemary is buying into Emma’s acceptance of Tina being with Bette.

      Good chapters……loving this story. Bette is a little more neurotic than I expected…

    2. Great chapter!!!

      Glad Tina could calm down Bette about their baby talking and that Bette didn’t walk away. Sure it is something they must discuss in the future but now they have so much more to learn about each other. Tina is right, they need to communicate, especially when they have fears or doubts.

      I don’t see why they should have problems by being only child growing up. Rosemary said it ” it depends on how much the two of you can turn your desire for one another into a permanent and long-lasting love “
      That is the most important.

      I am glad for Tina that Rosemary accept her and they will develop a good mother – daughter relationship, a relationship she will not have with Emma, not in that way sadly. Emma should keep her comments about Bette and Tina’s relationship to herself and try to develop a better relationship with her daughter. I really hope she will be suppotive and not try to destroy it.

      Looking forward to the next chapter!

    3. Tina is spot on that she needs to learn about Bette without the input of Helena. Helena annoys me a little with the constant Bette expert badge. Goodness. They have known each other forever sure, but let Tina take care of her new girlfriend and figure out what works. Another fantastic chapter to one of my favorite stories. You write so well so fast! Keep it coming… and thank you for making my day with this part —–

      BK

    4. What’s wrong with the Osmonds ?? hahaha …

      More seriously, I love your story and I’m a little afraid about the chidren issue because it really is a big deal in a relationship ! and of course we haven’t heard (yet ?) about the exes which could also be difficult …

      Anyway, good story, post soon please.

    5. Thank you so much ❤️ for this chapter and this story! I love Helena in this story. Just kept chuckling and lol-ing at all the humorous bantering between my favorite Brit and Bette, and
      between the couple I adore. Love, love, love the bright, quick
      usually dry wit between them! We certainly have a “keeper”
      author with you Ms. Emerson!

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