Tina
When will 2we ever learn to live without one another? I don’t think that’s even a question that can be answered. In fact that shouldn’t even be a question that I’m asking myself right now but we go back and forth like some kind of amusement ride. Our feelings also ride like that of an amusement ride, up and down, repeat after repeat.

I sit here staring at my phone that rests beside me on the bed. No word from Carrie, no answer when I call her line. I noticed her things are also gone, the left side of my closet empty with just the hangers remaining.

I squeeze my eyes tightly and a tear runs down my cheek and onto my lap.

I know it isn’t all Bette’s fault but I feel she’s always mostly to blame, her love is so passionate and she doesn’t know how to control that. She never has. Maybe I should have never asked if she was in love with me. I should have already known the answer. But there goes my big mouth and open mind thinking I would somehow get another answer. But what did I truly want to hear? That she wasn’t in love with me and I could accept that. But also knowing deep down there was no way I would have ever believed her?

I throw myself onto my back and stare at the white ceiling above me.

“Oh my god, Angie. My sweet girl. How will she react to this?” I say aloud to myself.

I’m sick of the lying, the excuses, the grown up adult conversations that Bette and I constantly use to push her away from something that is important to her. But I know we do it to protect her. But damn do I love Bette.

I snap back to reality when I hear my phone ringing. My heart sinks when I think it’s Carrie but when I look at the caller ID it’s Bette.

I let it ring for a while before I built up the courage to answer it.

“Tina..” I hear through the line of the phone. “Tina, please don’t hang up on me.”

“What is it, Bette?”

“Where do we go from here, T? I can’t get you off of my mind.”