But it was one of the quirks I loved about her. No matter what, her organization made it much nicer to not misplace things. I’m terrible for doing that, Carrie swears I play hide and seek with myself. But I never had to worry about that with Bette. Things were always just right there when I needed them. I find it hard not to compare what was my life with Bette to my life with Carrie when I get a slight reminiscence of her from little things throughout my day. I always wonder why this happens to us but I can never find an answer and I don’t think she can either. 

I continue to get dressed into the same clothes I wore last night because I know Bette will be back any minute now. I walk towards her dresser mirror to straighten my bed head even though Bette has seen my many hair dues after waking in the morning. I still feel the best in front of her. My eyes caught a glimpse at one of the necklaces I gave her hanging on a small hook attached to the mirror with her wedding ring looped inside. I reach out and toss it behind my fingers. I remember how long it took for her to remove it from her hand after I left. I never thought she would remove it and it hurt seeing her that way. I know it was my fault. I never meant to hurt her so much but I swear it’s like a never ending fucking cycle these past 17 years. What the fuck is wrong with us? I shake my head in disgust. I give the ring a little squeeze before I release it and watch it swing back and forth. 

Bette
I take a deep breath before I unlock my door knowing Tina is awaiting on the other side. My heart has been beating out of my chest since I dropped our daughter off. The whole time in traffic my mind has been racing. I feel so full of words but at the same time I feel like there is nothing to say and that doesn’t make sense to me. All I can do is beg for her forgiveness but lately that feels like what I’ve been asking from everyone.